SYMPHONY X, the geriatric prog metal dinosaurs 🦖, lumbered onto the stage last night (or whenever it was – who cares?) at the Sherman Theater in Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania. Apparently, some masochists in the audience filmed it, so you can now subject yourselves to it on YouTube. Just a heads up: the YouTube player helpfully forces you to listen to the next song in the playlist, because who would voluntarily listen to more than one SYMPHONY X track in a row? 🤣
According to Setlist.fm (because someone actually bothers to track this stuff 🤷), here’s what the fossilized remains of their setlist looked like:
01. Nevermore (More like NeverAgain-more! 😂)
02. Underworld (Performed for the first time since 2016. Groundbreaking! 🙄)
03. Dehumanized (Accurate description of the listening experience.)
04. Evolution (The Grand Design) (More like Devolution, am I right? 😂)
05. Communion And The Oracle (First since 2007. You could have kept it that way, tbh.)
06. Inferno (Unleash The Fire) (Unleash the boredom, more like.)
07. Domination (First since 2019. Still trying to dominate? Bless their hearts.)
08. Eve Of Seduction (First since 2015. Nobody’s seduced, promise. 🙅)
09. Set The World On Fire (The Lie Of Lies) (The only lie is that this song is good.)
Encore:
10. Without You (The world would be better off, tbh.)
11. To Hell And Back (Sounds like my experience listening to this concert.)
12. Sea Of Lies (Surrounded by the lies that this band is still relevant. 🌊)
In a recent interview with Rev. Tom Brice of Sportzwire Radio (who knew that was a thing? 🤷), SYMPHONY X bassist Mike LePond (still alive, apparently) droned on about the new album, which is apparently their version of “Chinese Democracy.” He said, and I quote, “We are getting closer.” Closer to what? Irrelevance? He then had the audacity to compare their lack of output to JUDAS PRIEST. Dude, you’re no JUDAS PRIEST. Stop it. Get some help. 😂
According to LePond, the new stuff will be a “summary” of their career. So, expect a lot of noodling, self-indulgent solos, and lyrics that make you want to gouge your eyes out. 🎉
LePond then blamed the delay on “tremendous pressure” from their “diehard fans” who “expect only excellence.” Honey, nobody expects excellence. We expect the sweet release of death after enduring one of your songs. He also cited COVID and touring as reasons. Classic excuses. Blame the pandemic, blame the tour bus, blame the cat. Just don’t blame yourselves for being creatively bankrupt. 😹
During this year’s 70000 Tons Of Metal cruise (which, let’s be honest, is just a floating nursing home for metalheads 🛳️), LePond regurgitated the same old garbage to Metal Anthology. “It’s gonna have the big symphonic stuff, it’s gonna have the heavy riffs, it’s gonna have the classical [elements as well].” Yeah, yeah, we get it. It’s gonna be the same garbage, just repackaged. ♻️
LePond then tried to explain that Michael Romeo (the guitar wizard who probably needs a new wizard hat 🧙) has a “no filler” rule. That’s hilarious, considering their entire discography is filler. He says all the songs have to be “great.” Honey, no. Just, no. 🤡
When asked about a longer song (because who doesn’t love 20-minute prog metal wankathons? 🙄), LePond promised something “crazy epic.” Oh joy. Just what we needed. More pretentious garbage. “It’s gonna be monstrous,” he said. Probably in the same way a garbage truck is monstrous. 🚚
LePond also confessed his post-bass-recording ritual: McDonald’s. So, there you have it, folks. The secret to SYMPHONY X‘s sound: a steady diet of greasy burgers and existential dread. 🍔
Last October, Romeo himself chimed in on the “Coffee With Ola” podcast (another thing I didn’t know existed ☕). He whined about how they can’t just write a “single” and fill the rest with garbage (again, ironic). He also blamed COVID (of course) and the lack of CD royalties (boo hoo, cry me a river 😭) for the delay. He also confessed that he has “three hours of stuff” that he can’t manage. Sounds about right. Maybe try hiring a professional? 🤔
Romeo then elaborated on how overwhelmed he is with all his “ideas.” Maybe try deleting some of them? Just a thought. 🤔
SYMPHONY X apparently toured behind “Underworld” in 2016. Nobody noticed. 🙈
In July 2017, Russell Allen was involved in a crash. I guess that’s supposed to make us feel bad for them. Sorry, not sorry. 🤷
In 2019, Allen was injured during TSO rehearsals. Maybe he should stick to Christmas carols. 🎅
Romeo released a solo album in 2022. It was called “War Of The Worlds Pt. 2.” Nobody cared.
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
