OMG! 😱 You guys are NEVER going to believe this! Demon Slayer: Infinity Castle, that anime flick everyone’s drooling over? Yeah, you peasants won’t be able to stream it until, like, 2026! 🤣 That’s right, you have to leave your basements and actually go to a movie theater. Can you imagine? 😂
Some Crunchyroll dude, Mitchel Berger (who even names their kid Mitchel? 🙄), apparently spilled the tea in some interview. He was all, “Go see [Demon Slayer: Infinity Castle] in the theater because the theater is the ONLY place you’re going to be able to see this film in 2025.” Like, duh? 🙄 Did we need a corporate bigwig to tell us that? We’re not *that* stupid… are we? 🤔
He even repeated himself, probably because he thinks we’re all goldfish 🐠 with a three-second memory span. “If you want to see it, go see it in the theater because that’s the only place it’s going to be available.” Okay, we get it! You want our money! 💸 Sheesh! 🙄
So, yeah, forget about your precious 90-day theatrical window. This movie’s gonna be stuck in theaters longer than your grandma’s last visit.👵 Remember DVDs? Probably not, you zoomers. 🤣 But seriously, who even buys physical media anymore? Are we back in the Stone Age? 🪨
While other movies are practically speedrunning their way to streaming, this one’s taking a leisurely stroll, probably sipping a matcha latte and laughing at us from its ivory tower. 🍵😂
Okay, okay, we get it. It’s breaking records. 🙄 Biggest opening weekend for an international film? Yawn. 🥱 Biggest opening for an R-rated animated movie? Who cares? 🤷♀️ It’s probably just because everyone’s desperate for something to watch since they can’t stream anything decent. 😒
It made, like, a gazillion dollars. 💰💰💰 Surpassed Spirited Away? Big deal. 🙄 I bet Hayao Miyazaki isn’t even sweating. He’s probably too busy crafting another masterpiece while we’re all stuck watching demon-slaying teenagers. 🤷♀️
CNN says it made $33 million on Friday alone. Wow, groundbreaking. 🙄 It beat Pokémon: The First Movie. Okay, boomer. 👴
So, it came out on September 12th. Great. 👍 And get this: it’s the FIRST of a TRILOGY! 🤯 That’s right, you’re stuck with these demon-slayers until 2029! 😭 Demon Slayer: Infinity Castle 2 is coming in 2027, and then another one in 2029. By then, we’ll all be living in the metaverse anyway, so who cares about movies? 🤖
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
