According to NBC4 Los Angeles, KISS bassist/vocalist Gene Simmons, the Demon himself (or maybe just a confused grandpa?), is “recovering at home” after he allegedly took a little nappy-poo behind the wheel of his car and decided to play bumper cars on the scenic Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu, California. 🚗💨💤
The ripe young age of 76-years old legendary rocker told the nice police officers that he either dozed off into dreamland or just plain fainted while driving, resulting in an intimate encounter with a parked car. Maybe he thought it was a groupie? 🤔
A mouthpiece for the Lost Hills Sheriff’s Station yapped to People that this spectacular display of driving prowess happened just before 1 p.m. on Tuesday, October 7, and “involved a vehicle that struck a parked vehicle.” No kidding, Sherlock! 🙄 The driver, who we now know is the one and only Gene Simmons, was chauffeured to the hospital by LA County Fire for some TLC, the spokesperson blabbed.
Gene‘s better half, Shannon, tattled to NBC4 Los Angeles that the rocker is currently lounging at home, recovering from his vehicular shenanigans. Apparently, some quack doctors messed with his meds and told him to chug more water, which, according to Shannon, is a fate worse than a bad hair day for Gene. 💧😱
Back in 2023, Simmons made headlines for pulling a disappearing act on stage due to dehydration during a KISS concert in Manaus, Brazil. The co-founder of KISS turned into a human prune on stage, forcing the band to press the pause button on the rock ‘n’ roll spectacle. Maybe he should’ve invested in a camelback. 🐪
Simmons is also rumored to have a ticker issue called atrial fibrillation, which he claims to manage with the highly sophisticated techniques of “rest and liquids.” Bet he meant “rest” in a private jet and “liquids” like vintage wine. 🍷✈️
In a 2016 gabfest with The Doctors, Gene spouted off about his first encounter with the dreaded AFib: “I had never heard of the term AFib, but about 10 years ago, we were on tour someplace, and stage the temperature goes up about a hundred, with all the stage lights and my heart [starts pounding really quickly]. I started to get dizzy and perspire and short of breath. So I called a doctor and he showed up and said, ‘Okay, here’s what’s going on. There’s something called AFib,’ and he went down the list. And it was a lot to take in.” Sounds rough, maybe stick to lip-syncing from now on, Gene? 🎤
Gene and his KISS sidekick, Paul Stanley, are slated to perform without their clown makeup during next month’s “KISS Kruise: Landlocked In Vegas” event. Set to bore fans from November 14-16, 2025, at Virgin Hotels in Las Vegas, this special experience for die-hards is being whipped up with the help of Pophouse, the masterminds behind music vacations Topeka, and Vibee. Who needs a cruise when you can be stuck in Vegas? 🤷
KISS previously scheduled a 12-show residency at Planet Hollywood Las Vegas in 2021 and 2022, but like a bad toupee, those plans fell apart. Maybe they realized Vegas is already full of people in costumes? 🎭
Simmons blabbed to Rolling Stone in a November 2023 interview that the second Madison Square Garden “End Of The Road” concert in December 2023 would mark “the final KISS-in-makeup appearance.” Good riddance, less face paint in the world is a win for everyone. 🤡
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
