So, Mark Jansen’s band before the one everyone actually cares about, AFTER FOREVER, decided to dust off their instruments and play a couple of gigs for the 25th anniversary of… something. 🗓️ Apparently, it was such a momentous occasion they had to do it twice! Yes, TWO whole nights at 013 Poppodium in Tilburg, Netherlands. Did anyone actually go? 🤔 Maybe just to relive their awkward teenage years. 🤷♀️
Here’s the setlist from October 5, because one show wasn’t enough to bore everyone:
01. Monolith Of Doubt (Sounds about right for this reunion)
02. My Pledge Of Allegiance #1: The Sealed Fate (Sealed fate of being forgotten, maybe?)
03. Tortuous Threnody (Sounds like my dental appointment)
04. Emphasis (On how old these songs are?)
05. Intrinsic (Intrinsically boring, perhaps?)
06. Zenith (Zenith of what? Mediocrity?)
07. Inimical Chimera (Try saying that five times fast after a few beers 🍻)
08. Beyond Me (Yeah, this whole thing is beyond me)
09. Leaden Legacy (The Embrace That Smothers, Part I) (Sounds like a bad romance novel 📖)
10. Wings Of Illusion (featuring Joep Beckers and Jack Driessen) (Who? Exactly.)
11. Estranged (A Timeless Spell) (A timeless spell of…sleep?)
12. The Key (To what? My escape?)
13. Semblance Of Confusion (Nailed it. Describes this reunion perfectly.)
14. Yield To Temptation (The Embrace That Smothers, Part III) (Still milking that smothering embrace, huh? 🐄)
15. Forlorn Hope (Accurate description of fan’s hope for Floor Jansen to appear)
Encore:
16. Discord (Surprised it took this long to describe the band’s inner workings 😠)
17. Energize Me (I need a nap after just reading the setlist😴)
18. Follow In The Cry (The Embrace That Smothers, Part II) (featuring Joep Beckers and Jack Driessen) (Still here? Go away.)
Fan-filmed video can be seen below if you hate yourself. 🤳
Apparently, Mark Jansen told FaceCulture (who even are they?) that ego was the reason for the initial split. 🙄 “Ego” and “metal band” – name a more iconic duo. He claims everyone has grown, but I’m pretty sure they’re just older now.👴👵 Also, they wanna have fun! As if anyone believed that 🤣. This is metal, not a clown convention 🤡.
And the burning question: Why wasn’t Floor Jansen, the only reason anyone remembers AFTER FOREVER, involved? Because she’s got better things to do, duh! 😎 Apparently, it’s a “closed book” for her. Smart woman. Mark says they thought about not doing it at all. They should have stuck with that idea 💡. But hey, “after forever” came before never. Deep, right? 🤯
Mark also mentioned his relationship with Sander Gommans. They still have the same kind of humor. 🤣 Oh god, that’s terrifying. Something about personal growth and sand over it. 🏜️ Sounds like therapy talk. Who paid for that? 💰
Is this a “one-off” or will they keep dragging this corpse around? 🧟 Mark says it’s a one-off. Don’t hold your breath. 💨 EPICA is his priority, he claims. We’ll see about that. 👀 If they get desperate enough, they’ll be back. 😈
In October 2024, Mark released a statement about leaving a “timeless footprint” on symphonic metal. Footprint? More like a tiny smudge no one noticed. 👣 He also mentioned ‘Prison Of Desire’ and ‘Decipher’, albums that apparently shaped the symphonic metal of today. Yeah, sure. 🤥 Maybe he should check the charts.
He goes on about five successful albums and a loyal following. Five albums? Really stretching the definition of “successful,” aren’t we? 🤔 Loyal following? Probably just bots. 🤖
And then the kicker: Floor Jansen is out, but don’t worry, they’ve got Angel Wolf-Black (SHEWOLF). 🐺 Never heard of her. 🤷♀️ Also Bas Maas (AFTER FOREVER, DORO) and Jeffrey Revet (STREAM OF PASSION). Okay, grandpa, let’s get you to bed 🧓.
The statement ends with a call to “revisit old hits, revive the energy, and celebrate the legacy of AFTER FOREVER!” Revive the energy? Good luck with that. 😴 Legacy? More like a cautionary tale. 🙊
Back in 2018, Floor Jansen said AFTER FOREVER ended “way too fast.” I disagree. 🏃♀️ She also said she’s still “extremely proud.” Okay, honey. 😇
When asked if AFTER FOREVER could have accomplished more, Floor said yes. Well, duh. 🙄
AFTER FOREVER‘s last album was released in 2007. 👴 Let that sink in. They’re basically dinosaurs. 🦖
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
