Take That are back to remind us they exist with their latest single, You’re A Superstar, because apparently 2023’s This Life wasn’t enough to keep the nostalgia industry afloat.
Yes, Gary, Mark and Howard have emerged from their collective midlife crisis to bless us with a new bop that’s probably 60% key change, 30% motivational clichés, and 10% tax write-off. This is their first “new” music since last time they needed to sell tickets for something, which is coincidentally when they released their last album. What a wild coincidence!
The single was first teased in the Netflix documentary TAKE THAT, which apparently people watched. Like, a lot of people. It debuted at No.1 on the UK series charts, proving once and for all that the British public will watch literally anything with a jaunty pop soundtrack and some slow-motion walking shots. The three-part series gave us “an insightful look at the band’s extraordinary journey,” which presumably means they finally explained why Robbie left, then came back, then left again, then came back again, then… honestly, who’s keeping track?
Produced by Fulwell Entertainment, the documentary spans 35 years of Take That history using rare archive footage, never-before-seen material, and brand new interviews where the boys probably said things like “it’s been a rollercoaster” and “we’re closer than ever” approximately 47 times each.
Listen to You’re A Superstar below, if you dare:
Now, because releasing a single isn’t enough to justify their existence in 2026, Take That are hitting the road with The Circus Live, which is either a nostalgic callback or proof they’re running out of theme ideas. Originally staged in 2009, this tour broke records as the fastest-selling in UK history, with over 600,000 tickets vanishing faster than biscuits at a Weight Watchers meeting. More than one million fans attended the sell-out shows, proving that British people really love watching middle-aged men in sparkly jackets sing about love and perseverance.
This summer, they’re bringing the “magic” back to 17 stadiums across the UK and Ireland. That’s right, 17 chances to see Gary Barlow try to hit notes he could nail in his sleep back in 1995. The tour dates are conveniently spread across three months, giving you plenty of opportunities to tell yourself “I should probably go to at least one” before inevitably watching the whole thing on YouTube six months later.
Tickets are available now, because nothing says “we value your fandom” like charging £75 to stand in a field and watch men old enough to be your dad perform synchronized dance moves that are 60% enthusiasm, 30% determination, and 10% “I hope nobody notices my knee injury.”
Featured image provided, probably showing them looking thoughtfully into the middle distance or pointing dramatically at something off-camera.
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
