Oh boy, are you guys in for a treat! 🎉🤩 David Draiman, the lead vocalist of DISTURBED, has just announced that their new album is going to be, like, totally amazing and stuff 🤯. I mean, who doesn’t love a good DISTURBED album, right? 🤘 It’s not like they’ve been doing the same thing for years or anything… 😴
So, apparently, David has been working on some new songs and he’s “had a lot of time to go over these last songs we’ve written” and he’s just fallen in love with them all over again 💘. Wow, that’s so… exciting? 🤔 I mean, I’m sure it’s not just the same old formulaic heavy metal music that they’ve been churning out for years 🙄. Nope, this time it’s going to be “diverse, fresh, and powerful” 🌈. Yeah, because that’s exactly what I want from a DISTURBED album – something that’s going to challenge my musical tastes and push the boundaries of the genre 🤓.
And don’t even get me started on the “creative process” behind their new single “I Will Not Break” 🎸. Apparently, Dan Donegan, the guitarist, was just messing around with some old demos and cassette tapes (yeah, because that’s not something that every musician does 🙄) and he came up with this totally original and not-at-all-cliched riff 🤷♂️. And then, Mike Wengren, the drummer, just happened to have a bottle of Cakebread wine backstage (because, you know, that’s exactly what you want to be drinking while recording an album 🍷) and that’s when the magic happened ✨.
I mean, come on, guys, can’t you just come up with something a little more… creative? 🤣 It’s not like you’re trying to write a song that’s going to be played on the radio for the next 20 years or anything 📻. Oh wait, that’s exactly what you’re trying to do 🤑. In that case, please, by all means, keep churning out the same old generic heavy metal music that your fans have come to expect from you 🙏.
According to Dan, the song “I Will Not Break” is “a necessary song, about becoming stronger than the forces that constantly try to tear you down” 🙌. Wow, that’s so… inspiring? 🤔 I mean, who hasn’t felt like they’re being torn down by the forces of society and just need a good ole fashioned heavy metal song to pick them up 🤷♂️. And the lyrics “I’ve had enough of feeling terrified, now I’m deciding that I won’t be hiding from anyone” are just so… deep and meaningful 🤓. I mean, it’s not like they’re just a bunch of random words strung together to sound cool or anything 🙄.
Anyway, DISTURBED has had a pretty successful career, with five No. 1s on the all-genre chart, starting with “Believe” in 2002 📈. And their last album “Divisive” sold 26,000 equivalent album units in its first week of release, with 22,000 units via album sales 📊. Not bad, not bad at all 🤑. I’m sure their new album will be just as… successful 🤞.
So, there you have it, folks 🎉. DISTURBED is back with a new album and it’s going to be… well, it’s going to be something, that’s for sure 🤔. Stay tuned for more updates and maybe, just maybe, we’ll get to hear some of this “diverse, fresh, and powerful” music that David is so excited about 🎵. 🤘🎸🔥🎶💥👏
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
