Well, folks, it looks like United Airlines is finally doing something about those dreaded middle seats. I almost choked on my coffee when I read that they’re getting rid of some of them in their “economy plus” section. I mean, who doesn’t hate being squished between two strangers on a long flight? It’s like the ultimate form of torture. But hey, if you’re willing to pay extra, you can now get a bit more elbow room and an extra table. Because, you know, that’s exactly what I want to do with my hard-earned cash – pay more to fly in slightly-less-cramped comfort.
So, it seems that United is blocking out two of the middle seats in their new jet, which debuts this fall. And, of course, this comes with a price tag. Because, why would they just give us more space for free? That would be crazy talk. Andrew Nocella, United’s Chief Commercial Office, said that they’re “giving customers choice and value in every cabin.” Yeah, sure, choice and value – as long as you’re willing to pay for it.
I have to say, I’m a bit amused by the fact that airlines are now creating tiers within economy and premium offerings. It’s like they’re trying to make us feel like we’re getting a deal, even when we’re not. Delta CEO Ed Bastian said that they’re “continuing to add” to their price categories, which is just a fancy way of saying they’re finding new ways to charge us more.
It’s interesting to note that focusing on higher-paying customers has become central to the business models of United, Delta, and American Airlines. Even budget airlines like Southwest and JetBlue are trying to offer more comfort for a price. I guess that’s just the way the industry is going – catering to those who are willing to pay top dollar for a bit of extra comfort.
The demand for premium seats is apparently juicing profits for these airlines, despite soaring jet fuel costs. United’s premium seat revenue was up 16% from last year, while Delta saw a 17% jump. That’s a pretty significant increase, if you ask me. And, of course, this means that they’ll just keep on charging us more for those fancy seats.
Meanwhile, budget airlines are having financial trouble, with Spirit even going out of business in May. I’m not surprised, really – when you’re charging rock-bottom prices, it’s hard to make a profit. But hey, at least we have the option to pay more for a bit of extra comfort, right?
The new “economy plus” seats with extra legroom will set us back about $40 per seat. And, of course, there are even more premium options available, all the way up to lie-flat “suites” with privacy doors. Because, you know, that’s exactly what I want – to pay thousands of dollars for a seat that’s basically a private bedroom.
Air travel experts say that removing middle seats could be a financial win for United. And, let’s be real, it’s not like they’re doing it out of the goodness of their hearts. They’re doing it because they can charge us more for the privilege of having a bit more space. Henry Harteveldt, a travel industry analyst, said that by removing two seats, United could conceivably eliminate one flight attendant per flight and save money on staffing.
But, hey, at least we’ll have more elbow room, right? And, who knows, maybe we’ll even be willing to pay a bit more for it. As Zack Griff, author of the airline newsletter From the Tray Table, said, “The (economy plus) middle seat is the last one to get chosen for a reason.” Yeah, no kidding. It’s like the ultimate form of airline purgatory.
In conclusion, it seems that United Airlines is trying to make us feel like we’re getting a deal, even when we’re not. They’re removing middle seats, adding extra legroom, and charging us more for the privilege. And, hey, maybe we’ll even be willing to pay for it. After all, as Harteveldt said, “One thing airlines do well is gauging consumers’ willingness to pay for various products.” Yeah, that’s just great – they’re experts at figuring out how much we’re willing to pay to avoid being squished like sardines. Well, I guess that’s just the way the airline industry works – and we’re just along for the ride. Or, should I say, the flight? 😊
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
