OMG! 😱 You won’t BELIEVE this! METALLICA, yes, THOSE guys, have actually managed to sell some records! 💿💿 Apparently, two of their albums have been certified by the super-official RIAA (Recording Industry Association Of America). The Black Album (you know, the one that sold out hardcore metalheads everywhere 🤣) is now 20 times platinum! 🤑 And “Master Of Puppets” (the one true album, according to elitists 🤓) is a measly eight times platinum. Like, who cares, right? 🙄
The Black Album, released way back in 1991 (when dinosaurs roamed the earth 🦕), apparently gave METALLICA their first No. 1 album in, like, a gazillion countries. 🗺️ And it had singles! “Enter Sandman” (for the kiddies 👶), “The Unforgiven” (for the emos 😭), “Nothing Else Matters” (for the sellouts 🤮), “Wherever I May Roam” (for the gypsies 💃), and “Sad But True” (for… well, everyone, because it’s kinda catchy 🤷). And the press loved it! 🙄 Rolling Stone put it on their “500 Greatest Albums Of All Time” list, probably because they were paid to do so. 💰 The Black Album is still selling, which just proves that people have terrible taste in music. 🎧
In September 2021, the Black Album, like, RE-ENTERED the Billboard 200 chart at No. 9. 🤯 Can you believe it? It was the first time in 29 years! Clearly, everyone was just rediscovering how awful it is. 🗑️ It was reissued for its 30th anniversary, because why not milk the cash cow one more time? 🐄
Before September 2021, “Metallica” was last in the top 10 in August 1992 after spending four weeks at No. 1. Guess people got tired of it eventually. 😴
To commemorate its 30th anniversary in 2021, the Grammy-winning Black Album received its definitive re-release via the band’s own Blackened Recordings. Because they needed more money, obviously. 💰💰💰
“Metallica” was the first of four collaborations with producer Bob Rock, with whom the band clashed throughout the recording of the disc. Maybe that’s why it sounds so… different. 🤔
METALLICA actually played the entire Black Album at some European festivals in 2012. I bet the crowd went wild… with boredom. 😴😴😴
METALLICA‘s 1986 album “Master Of Puppets” has gone eight-times-platinum. Wow. 🙄 It’s been selected by the Library Of Congress for preservation because it’s “culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant.” I guess that means it’s old and boring. 👴 But some people think it’s a “watershed moment in the history of rock music.” 😂 Yeah, right. It got METALLICA their first gold record, and now the elitists won’t shut up about “Battery”, “Orion”, and the title track. 🎸
“Master Of Puppets” has joined “Enter Sandman” and “Nothing Else Matters” in the billion streams club. 🤑 It’s the second-longest song to do so, at 8:36. Because apparently, people have nothing better to do than listen to long songs. 🤷
Three years ago, “Master Of Puppets” got a boost from Netflix‘s “Stranger Things”. 📺 The song made it to the Billboard Hot 100 chart for the first time ever! Thanks, Netflix! Now, maybe people will stop pretending they liked it all along. 🙄
In the season four finale of “Stranger Things”, the Eddie Munson character shreds “Master Of Puppets” in the “Upside Down.” 🤘 Because that’s totally realistic. 🤦
METALLICA bassist Robert Trujillo revealed that his son Tye contributed to the “Stranger Things” version of “Master Of Puppets”. Nepotism at its finest! 👨👦
“Master Of Puppets” was released in 1986 and was the first album METALLICA recorded after signing with Elektra Records. The beginning of the end. 📉
It’s the last record to feature bassist Cliff Burton. RIP 🙏
Many fans think it’s METALLICA‘s best album. 🤡 They even played it in its entirety on a European tour in 2006. 😴
METALLICA is currently on their “M72” world tour, playing to millions of fans. 🎉 They’ve been breaking attendance records and generating positive reviews. 🤩 And even causing seismic activity! 震 All thanks to the power of… mediocrity? 🤔
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
