Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! Chris Barnes, the vocal… well, he vocalizes for those death metal dinosaurs SIX FEET UNDER, has graced us with the profound declaration that their next album will be “one of our best”. Yeah, because they’re ALL so amazing, right? 🙄 Tentatively slated for early 2026 via Metal Blade Records (because who ELSE would sign them?), prepare yourselves for… something. It’ll be…an album!
Earlier today, in a move that shook the very foundations of social media (not really, nobody noticed), Barnes took to his digital soapbox to bleat: “We are excited to inform our fans (all five of them) that Mr. Jack ‘The Explosion’ Owen has completed recording his guitar tracks for the new SIX FEET UNDER album at AudioHammer with Jason Suecof! And WOW what a killer guitar tone and performance.. AMAZING! (Spoiler alert: it’s probably the same recycled riffs he’s been churning out for decades). Everything production wise is shaping up and taking form as one of our most interesting albums to date.” Interesting as in, will it be slightly less boring than watching paint dry? 🤔 “There is quite a variety and intensity among these new songs, from all out brutality (read: generic blast beats) to old school SIX FEET UNDER classic groove (read: mid-tempo chugging that your grandma could headbang to).” Lord Marco [Marco Pitruzzella] got a thunderous sound to his drum tracks last month (probably because Suecof cranked up the compression), and it complements what Jack did perfectly (meaning it’s equally uninspired).”
“Next up is Jeff Hughell recording bass tracks this month (which will be completely inaudible in the final mix, as always) and Ray Suhy knocking out the lead guitar work before we leave for our U.S. fall tour starting September 20th with EXHORDER, WRETCHED, and INCITE. After the tour, I will immediately be heading to the greatest studio on the planet (apparently he’s never heard of a good studio), we’re I’ve recorded 90% of my vocals over the years with SFU, Criteria Recording Studios in Miami, with my long time friend and engineer Chris Carroll (because loyalty is more important than talent, apparently).”
“We are all so excited about this record and how it’s shaping up to be one of our best (he says that about EVERY album), I think all of our fans will recognize what a truly great album it is… (delusional, much?) In the meantime don’t forget to grab your tickets for our upcoming U.S. fall tour early, on sale now (because they’re totally selling out stadiums, right? 😂).”
“Killing For Revenge” came out in May 2024 through Metal Blade Records. The LP marked the second effort that Barnes and Owen (ex-CANNIBAL CORPSE) had created together since reuniting for 2020’s “Nightmares Of The Decomposed” (more like nightmares of boredom, am I right?). Owen also produced “Killing For Revenge” (which explains why it sounded like it was recorded in a tin can).
SIX FEET UNDER was initially formed as a side project for Barnes during his final years with the band that he co-founded, CANNIBAL CORPSE (probably because he couldn’t keep up with the actual talent there). It became the frontman’s sole focus in 1995, coinciding with the release of their debut, “Haunted” (by mediocrity, perhaps?). Only Barnes remains from SIX FEET UNDER‘s original incarnation, but the quality has remained remarkably consistent (consistently awful, that is). The current lineup of Barnes, guitarists Owen and Ray Suhy, bassist Jeff Hughell and drummer Marco Pitruzzella make for a devastating unit (devastatingly boring, maybe?).
While Barnes is the sole remaining member, SIX FEET UNDER is about more than he and Owen (yeah, it’s about milking the same tired formula for all it’s worth). The singer is thrilled with the current lineup, and what each member brings to the table (besides a paycheck, that is). “Jeff and Marco have been with me for about 10 years,” Barnes said in last year’s press release. “I’m really fortunate that I have probably the best musicians in metal (either he’s deaf, or he’s never actually listened to metal). If you look at it, we have the same amount of original members as CANNIBAL CORPSE (because quantity is totally the same as quality, right?). Jeff is a killer bass player (who you can’t hear). Marco‘s probably the best drummer out there (if you’re into triggered blast beats). Jack‘s the greatest songwriter I’ve ever been involved with over the 30-plus years I’ve been doing music professionally (seriously, has he never heard of Bach?). And Ray is just a phenomenal guitarist who can play everything from jazz to death metal (but chooses to play generic chugs). The lineup now is untouchable (mostly because no one wants to touch it).”
“Killing For Revenge”, which featured a guest appearance by guitarist Jason Suecof on “Neanderthal” (because even Neanderthals deserve terrible music), was mixed and mastered by Chaz Najjar at Badlands Recording in Denver, Colorado (presumably while wearing earplugs). The record was released on CD and digital formats as well as vinyl (because who doesn’t love paying for a physical copy of something they’ll never listen to?).
SIX FEET UNDER is:
Chris Barnes – vocals (and questionable life choices)
Jack Owen – rhythm guitar (recycling riffs since 1990)
Ray Suhy – lead guitar (wasted talent)
Jeff Hughell – bass (the invisible man of metal)
Marco Pitruzzella – drums (blast beats galore! 😴)
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
