Oh, boy! NVIDIA GeForce NOW is gracing us with its presence AGAIN. Seven more titles are being thrown into the void of cloud gaming, because apparently, we haven’t had enough shovelware already. Prepare to be whelmed, people. WHELMED! 🙄
Another week, another “thrilling” announcement for the three people still using GeForce NOW. Apparently, Gears of War: Reloaded is here to remind you of your rapidly decaying childhood. And The Rogue Prince of Persia, because who asked for that? Seriously, Ubisoft, did you lose a bet? Both these games are now “supported” on GeForce NOW, which means they’ll probably run at a crisp 240p with the input lag of a dial-up modem. 🐌
Let’s talk about Gears of War: Reloaded, because who doesn’t love a rehash of a game from 2006? 👴 Now you can relive your glory days of chainsawing Locusts, except this time with slightly better graphics and the nagging feeling that you should probably be doing something more productive. Cross-Play and Cross Progression? Who cares when the servers will probably be as empty as my soul after playing this again. 💀
And then there’s The Rogue Prince of Persia, which apparently crawled its way out of early access. Congratulations, I guess? 🎉 Now you can die repeatedly in a slightly more polished environment. They promise acrobatic skills and over 100 weapons, but let’s be real, you’ll probably just end up spamming the same three moves until your fingers bleed. 🩸
But wait, there’s more! Here’s a list of other games joining the GeForce NOW lineup, because quantity over quality, am I right? 🤷♂️
- Gears of War: Reloaded – Because one mention wasn’t enough, apparently.
- Chip ‘n Clawz vs. The Brainoids – I’m sure this will be GOTY material. Definitely not something I’ll forget about in five minutes. 😴
- Make Way – Free on Epic Games Store? More like free on the “never going to play it” list. 🗑️
- Among Us 3D – Because the 2D version wasn’t nauseating enough. 🤢
- Gatekeeper – Sounds promising. Probably another roguelike. 🙄
- Knightica – *Yawn*
- No Sleep for Kaname Date – From AI: The Somnium Files – I already have insomnia, thanks. 😭
And if that wasn’t enough to make you question your life choices, Path of Exile 2 is having a free-to-play weekend! 🎉 Get ready to grind for three days straight, only to realize you’ve accomplished nothing and your social life is in shambles. But hey, free stuff! You’ll get the Exile’s Hood, the Exile’s Staff Skin, and the Exile Cloak. Because nothing says “I have no life” like dressing up your virtual character in free cosmetics. 🤡
So, there you have it. Another “exciting” week for GeForce NOW. Go forth and waste your time on these digital distractions, because what else are you going to do? 🤷♀️
For more information, check out the NVIDIA blog, where they’ll try to convince you that this is all worth it. Good luck with that. 👍
