👂Psst!👂 Did you peasants actually strain your👂👂 to the very end of that ✨glorious✨Scream 7 trailer? I bet you didn’t. Just before the credits roll (as if you’d stay that long💀), you might have heard a tiny, insignificant voice squeak, “This is gonna be fun.”😱😱😱
That’s right, it’s the one, the only, Matthew Lillard!🎉🎉🎉 You know, the guy who was Ghostface in the *first* movie? The one who, spoiler alert, GOT REKT?👻🔪 Yeah, that dude. Apparently, dying is just a suggestion in the Scream universe, much like good writing or original ideas.🤔 But fear not, Lillard stans! Your king has risen from the grave… or maybe just from obscurity. 🤷 Who knows what role he’ll play? A ghost? A zombie? A figment of Sidney’s imagination fueled by too much caffeine?☕The possibilities are endless…ly dumb.🤪
And because nostalgia is the only thing Hollywood knows anymore, Neve Campbell is crawling back as Sidney Prescott, Ghostface’s punching bag of choice.🥊 Of course, Courteney Cox is also back as Gale Weathers, the journalist who apparently has nothing better to do than chase Ghostface around for the rest of her life. And let’s not forget David Arquette as Dewey… wait, didn’t he die like a chump in Scream 5?💀 Guess death is as meaningless as character development in this franchise. ¯_(ツ)_/¯ Honestly, *Scream* is supposed to be a slasher series, not a supernatural one. But who cares about consistency when you can just throw beloved (or not-so-beloved) characters back into the mix for a quick buck? 💸💸💸
But wait, there’s more chaos! This *Scream* installment is being “helmed” by Kevin Williamson, the guy who birthed this monster back in the ’90s.👶🍼 Because what better way to revitalize a tired franchise than to bring back the person who started it all? It’s not like he’s had decades to come up with fresh ideas or anything.💡 Fresh as a daisy? More like as fresh as roadkill after a summer heat wave.💀🔥
And because nepotism is alive and well in Hollywood, Isabel May is joining the cast as Sidney’s daughter.👶🍼 And Joel McHale is Sidney’s husband.👨👩👧 Who asked for this? I certainly didn’t! 🤷
Here is the film’s official synopsis:
When a new Ghostface killer emerges in the quiet town where Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell) has built a new life, her darkest fears are realized as her daughter (Isabel May) becomes the next target. Determined to protect her family, Sidney must face the horrors of her past to put an end to the bloodshed once and for all.
Sidney’s got a daughter now?👩👧 This is starting to sound like a daytime soap opera, not a horror movie. And she must “face the horrors of her past to put an end to the bloodshed once and for all.” Haven’t we heard this before? Like, in every single *Scream* movie? 🙄 Originality, where art thou?
Scream 7 is scheduled to haunt theaters on February 27, 2026. Mark your calendars, folks, for another dose of predictable jump scares, tired tropes, and questionable plot twists. 📅🎉 Because who needs good movies when you can have *Scream 7*? 🤡
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
