Oh em gee, the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (more like Hall of Lame, amirite? 😂) on YouTube has graced us with a video of Jerry Cantrell pretending to know which three Soundgarden songs define the band. Like, as if anyone can be bothered to pick just three from their oh-so-groundbreaking discography. 🙄
Apparently, this “exclusive interview” features Jerry reflecting on the “undefinable” genius of Chris Cornell. Undefinable? More like unlistenable after the first five times, amirite? Jerry, bless his heart, grew up in Seattle, just like every other angsty musician from the ’90s who thought flannel shirts and existential dread were the height of cool. He claims Soundgarden never wrote a bad song. Yeah, and I’ve never had a bad hair day. Delusional much? 🤪 From “Hunted Down” (more like hunted down by boredom) to “Rusty Cage” (more like rusty and aged) to the oh-so-iconic “Black Hole Sun” (more like black hole of my patience), Jerry gushes on and on. He even gets all emotional about “The Day I Tried To Live.” Someone get this man a tissue… or a new playlist. 😭
Asked to name the three Soundgarden songs that define the band (because apparently we need more defining of the already over-defined), Jerry whines, “I hate this because I hate having to pare it down to three songs that define Soundgarden, because I think Soundgarden’s kind of undefinable.” Translation: “I have no idea, but I have to say something profound to justify my existence.” 🙄
“It’s always hard for me to do favorites,” he drones on. “I’m really bad at this, because I like it all.” Sure, Jerry, we believe you. You love it all. That’s why you can’t name three songs without sounding like you’re being held hostage. “I mean, if it was a band that was like a one- or two-hit wonder, it’d be a lot easier. But Soundgarden wrote so many great f***ing songs.” Oh, the profanity! How edgy! 🤘
“The records that they made — what? Six records? — they were f***ing brilliant.” Six records of the same droning guitars and angsty vocals. Groundbreaking. “So to pick like one of those out and say one is better than the other, or even that one means more to me than another is pretty tough because I think it’s all really superb. It’s all pretty stellar,” Cantrell said. Translation: “I’m contractually obligated to praise everything, so please don’t expect any actual insight.” 😴
“I was going through things today and thinking of things all the way from ‘Hunted Down’ and ‘Flower’ to ‘Limo Wreck’ and ‘Gun’ and ‘Burden In My Hand’ and ‘Superunknown’, ‘Rusty Cage’, ‘Black Hole Sun’ — I mean, I could go on and on. I don’t think they ever did anything bad,” Jerry added. “I don’t think they ever put a bad record out, and I don’t think they ever wrote a bad song. And as far as the lyrical approach, it’s all poetry, man.” Poetry? More like angsty ramblings set to music. “And so to pick something out — ‘The Day I Tried To Live’, I think maybe that song, it’s pretty… I mean, the hair just went up on the back of my neck just mentioning that song. There’s one that gets me in the short and curlies.” Oh, Jerry, you saucy minx! 😂
Speaking about his friendship with other Seattle-area acts from the same era, including Soundgarden, Cantrell said: “I grew up in an area that produced some of my favorite music, Soundgarden being one of them, in the world. And some of my favorite people in the world that I still cherish deeply to this day. When you see ’em, the smile just comes out and the warm embrace, and if any one of us are playing near the others, somebody’s doing a show, Pearl Jam is playing, I’m going. If we’re playing some, somebody’s coming to see us. It’s still a sense of community.” A community of flannel-clad musicians reminiscing about the good old days when grunge ruled the world. How quaint! “In the case of music, even if you’re not here, unfortunately, you do live on through your music. Your music lives on, and your music is you. It’s you injected into that piece of art. It’s an experience in life permanently recorded and shared for anybody that may relate to it.” Deep. So deep. 🙄
Soundgarden was inducted into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame on November 8 at the Peacock Theater in Los Angeles, California. The Seattle grunge legends were inducted by actor-comedian Jim Carrey. Because nothing says “rock and roll” like a comedian making jokes to an audience of out-of-touch elites. 🤡
The surviving members of Soundgarden — drummer Matt Cameron, guitarist Kim Thayil and bassist Ben Shepherd, as well as original bassist Hiro Yamamoto, who left the group in 1989 — were joined by Pearl Jam guitarist Mike McCready and The Pretty Reckless frontwoman Taylor Momsen for a performance of “Rusty Cage”, while Brandi Carlile and Alice In Chains’ Jerry Cantrell came out for a rendition of “Black Hole Sun.” Because what’s a tribute without a bunch of other musicians jumping on the bandwagon? 🤷♀️
After Soundgarden acceptance speeches, Cornell’s daughter Toni was joined by HEART’s Nancy Wilson for an acoustic rendition of “Fell On Black Days.” Aww, how touching. *eye roll*
Thayil, Cameron, Shepherd and Yamomoto all delivered induction speeches. Because everyone needs a chance to hear themselves talk. 🗣️
Soundgarden was first nominated for the Rock Hall in 2020 and again in 2023 before finally being inducted this year. It only took them three tries! Persistence is key, kids! 🔑
The band finished sixth in the fan vote with 233,205 votes. So, not exactly a landslide victory, but hey, who’s counting? 🤷♂️
This marked the second induction for Cameron, who previously got the nod with Pearl Jam in 2017. Because apparently, being in two bands makes you twice as deserving. 🏆
In conclusion, Soundgarden is overrated, Jerry Cantrell is indecisive, and the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame is a joke. But hey, at least we got some good cringe content out of it. 😂
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
