OMG! 😱😱😱 It’s called Dead Man’s Wire! How original! 🙄 Directed by none other than… wait for it… Gus Van Sant! Is he still making movies? 🤔 Anyway, it stars Bill Skarsgård (aka Pennywise 🤡 minus the makeup), Dacre Montgomery (because Stranger Things wasn’t enough for him), Colman Domingo (who’s probably wondering how he ended up in this), Cary Elwes (as if Princess Bride was just a fever dream), Myha’la (who?), and drumroll please… Al Pacino! Seriously? 👴 Is he just collecting paychecks at this point? 💸
Based on a “true story” (as if those ever REALLY are), this snooze-fest revisits the 1977 kidnapping of some rich dude banker. Supposedly, it “grips the nation,” but I bet most of you weren’t even born then 😴. And get this, the kidnapper becomes an “outlaw folk hero.” Yeah, because glorifying crime is totally what we need more of these days 🙄. As the “media frenzy peaks” (cue dramatic music 🎶), the whole thing turns into a “spectacle of desperation,” because apparently, rich people problems are the most important thing ever. And of course, it “resonates even today” because who doesn’t love a good dose of outdated drama? 🙄🙄🙄
It opens in US cinemas in January 2026. Mark your calendars! Or, you know, don’t. 🤷♀️
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
