Blackie Lawless, the lyrical genius behind such profound works as “Animal (F**k Like a Beast)” (a song so subtly nuanced it reached #9 on the PMRC’s “Filthy Fifteen” 🙄), has graced us with his unparalleled wisdom on the topic of free speech. Apparently, censorship is worse now than in the ’80s because… the internet? Someone get this man a tin foil hat! 🤯
Blackie, in his infinite enlightenment, explains that free speech isn’t about protecting *popular* opinions (like, say, his unwavering love for Donald Trump 💖). No, it’s about protecting *unpopular* ones, like the burning desire to cover oneself in raw meat and howl at the moon. 🐺🥩 He trusts his fellow man to sort out the “bullshit” – presumably including W.A.S.P.’s discography post-1985. 🤔
When asked about social media, Blackie admits he doesn’t spend much time there, which explains why he thinks “cancel culture” is a new and terrifying phenomenon. Newsflash, Blackie: people have been getting “cancelled” since the dawn of time. Remember when the PMRC tried to cancel you? 🤷♂️
He then blesses us with the revelation that *he* can’t be cancelled because he doesn’t care what people think. This is truly groundbreaking stuff, folks. I mean, who knew the secret to immunity was simply not giving a damn? 🤣 Someone alert the CDC!
Blackie then reminds us that he once considered running for Senate. Can you imagine? Senator Lawless? The debates would be legendary! “My esteemed colleagues, I propose we replace the national anthem with ‘I Wanna Be Somebody!'” 🤘 Thankfully, he decided making records was a more effective way to spread his message. Because nothing says “political discourse” like a double-platinum album cover featuring a codpiece. 🩲
Asked if he’s disappointed in politics, Blackie drops some truth bombs: “Absolute power corrupts absolutely.” Deep. So deep. 😔 He also reveals he doesn’t do well in environments where people aren’t allowed to speak the truth. Which is ironic, considering his apparent aversion to fact-checking. 🤥
But wait, there’s more! Blackie insists rock and roll helped win the war (which war? He doesn’t specify. Maybe the war against good taste? 🤷♀️) and that it used to be “something to fear.” Because nothing strikes fear into the heart of a tyrant like a power ballad. 🎶
And then, the pièce de résistance: when asked to describe Donald Trump in one word, Blackie replies: “A winner.” 🏆 Oh, Blackie, you sweet summer child. Bless your heart. ❤️
He defends his decision to praise Trump at a W.A.S.P. concert, calling him “a patriot” who’s “willing to die” for his beliefs. Which is probably true, if those beliefs involve avoiding jail time. 😅 Apparently, displaying Trump banners and images during “Blind In Texas” was all about freedom of speech. Never mind the fact that Trump has a documented history of trying to stifle dissent. 🙄
Blackie further explains that he sees Trump as a modern-day Thomas Jefferson, willing to shed blood for the tree of liberty. 🌳 So inspiring! Just try not to think too hard about the irony of a guy who made his name singing about sex, drugs, and rock and roll now championing a politician who’s openly hostile to anything remotely edgy or progressive. 🤪
In conclusion, Blackie Lawless remains a beacon of intellectualism and political insight. A true Renaissance man, equally adept at crafting catchy riffs and spouting nonsensical drivel. 💯 Keep fighting the good fight, Blackie! The world needs more musicians who are willing to use their platform to… uh… well, to say things. 🤔
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
