Oh boy, another Soulslike game, because apparently we haven’t milked this franchise enough yet. I mean, who needs innovation when you can just slap a new skin on the same old formula, right? But, I have to admit, Valor Mortis does sound like a wild ride. Set in an alternate 19th-century history universe where the Napoleonic army got access to a strange liquid that keeps its soldiers from dying, it’s like someone took all the leftover craziness from the 19th century, threw it in a blender, and hit puree. And, of course, Vincent Cassel is narrating, because why not? He’s like the Liam Neeson of video game narration – he’s been in everything.
The Demo: A Glimpse into the Madness
The demo for Valor Mortis wastes no time ramping up the action, throwing you into a battlefield littered with the bodies of your fallen comrades. It’s like a scene from a bad zombie movie, but with more muskets and less braaaaains. You play as William, a soldier of the Eternal Guard, who’s trying to figure out what’s going on and why the dead won’t stay dead. It’s a strong concept, and I have to admit, I was curious to see how it would play out.
Combat: Because Who Needs Guns When You Have Swords and Magic?
The combat in Valor Mortis is more akin to a Dark Souls or Bloodborne game than your average shooter. It’s all about timing and strategy, with a dual-wield structure that lets you choose between a sword and a revolver or magic. It’s like the developers took all the best parts of Soulslike games and mashed them together with a first-person perspective. And, surprisingly, it works. The game forces you to treat every battle as a potential challenge, and you need to keep your wits about you as you dive into taking on any enemy.
The Soulslike Formula: Because If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It
Valor Mortis is structured like many Soulslike games, with Lanterns serving as the game’s bonfire equivalent. You can upgrade your character at these Lanterns, and the placements feel fair, giving you enough challenge without making each section feel like a slog. The game also has a posture meter that depletes when you land parries, which eventually breaks an enemy open for a powerful critical finisher. It’s all very familiar, but it works.
Conclusion: Because October Can’t Come Soon Enough
With only around 30 minutes in the game, I didn’t get to see everything Valor Mortis has to offer, but what I did see was promising. The game is brutal, grotesque, and incredibly hard, but also just as rewarding and fun to tackle. It’s like the developers took all the best parts of Soulslike games and mashed them together with a unique setting and a dash of craziness. Slated to launch on PS5, XBOX Series X|S, and Steam on October 13, 2026, I’m eager to see what else this game has to offer. Some executive somewhere got a bonus for this, and I’m not even mad about it. The PS2 memory card community is devastated, but I’m sure they’ll find a way to cope. Live-service enthusiasts are preparing the candles and summoning circle, but I’m just excited to see what’s next. At this point, even the marketing nonsense has lore, and I’m here for it. Nature is healing, and so are my expectations for this game. Shareholders rejoice, because this game is going to be a wild ride.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
