OH. MY. GOD. 😱 Humble Bundle, those glorious madlads, are back at it again with a deal so epic, it’ll make your graphics card spontaneously combust 🔥. This time, they’re peddling the *entire* DOOM saga alongside the newer Wolfenstein games. Prepare to rip and tear… your wallet open, that is! 😈
So, picture this: it’s 2010, and some naive souls thought, “Hey, let’s sell games for cheap and pretend we’re doing it for charity!” 😇 Thus, Humble Bundle was born, a haven for bargain bin divers and virtue signalers alike. Their “pay what you want” model is basically a guilt trip disguised as generosity. Want the full bundle? Cough up the dough, peasant! 💰 Think you can get away with $5? Enjoy your severely gimped version, you cheapskate! 🤣 But hey, at least a *fraction* of your money goes to charity, so you can sleep soundly knowing you’re slightly less of a terrible person. 😴 They’ve donated a whopping $266 million to charity. WOW!
This time, they’re calling it the “id & Friends” bundle, because apparently, game developers have friends now? 🤔 It’s got all the DOOM games, from the pixelated classics that your grandpa probably played, to the newer ones where you can rip demons apart in glorious HD. 😈 And because apparently, killing Nazis is still trendy, they’ve thrown in the newer Wolfenstein games as well. Because what else are you going to do with your free time? Read a book? Pfft, get real. 📚➡️🗑️
And get this, they’re practically begging you to get hyped for *DOOM: The Dark Ages* (which, let’s be honest, sounds like a medieval torture simulator ⚔️). They’re even throwing in two 10% off coupons! Because nothing says “we value your money” like a discount on a game you’re already pressured to buy! 🤡
But wait, there’s more! This isn’t just about feeding your insatiable need for virtual violence. No, no, no. It’s about *charity*! 😇 They’re donating to Direct Relief, a noble organization that probably uses the money to buy yachts for their executives. 🛥️ Just kidding… mostly. Humble Bundle’s cut is: 5% goes to charity (aww, how generous!), 65% to the publishers (because they NEED more money), and 30% to Humble Bundle (because running a website is *so* expensive). But don’t worry, you can adjust the percentages! You can give up to 85% to charity, so you can really pat yourself on the back for being such a saint. 😇 Just don’t forget to brag about it on social media, or it doesn’t count! 🤳
Here’s the list of digital goodies you’ll be getting (if you’re not a cheapskate):
- DOOM + DOOM II* (2024 enhanced versions): Because who needs new games when you can just re-release the old ones with slightly better graphics? 🤷♂️
- DOOM 3*: The one where they tried to make DOOM scary, and everyone just laughed. 😂
- DOOM 64*: The DOOM that time forgot, but now it’s back! 👻
- DOOM* (2016): The one that made DOOM cool again, until the next one came out. 😎
- DOOM Eternal* (plus Year One Pass): The one with the grappling hook, because apparently, shooting demons wasn’t enough. 🪝
- Wolfenstein: The New Order*: The one where you kill Nazis in an alternate timeline, because history is boring. 🔫
- Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus*: More Nazi killing, because why not? 🤷♀️
- Wolfenstein: The Old Blood*: Even *more* Nazi killing! You’re basically a professional Nazi exterminator at this point. 🧽
- 10% off *DOOM: The Dark Ages* on Steam (Standard or Premium Edition): The carrot on a stick, the light at the end of the tunnel, the reason you’re even reading this article! 🥕
CGMagazine (whoever they are) called *DOOM: The Dark Ages* “an impressive evolution.” Yeah, yeah, yeah, they all say that. It’s just corporate buzzword bingo at this point
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
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