OMG! 🙄 You guys are NOT gonna BELIEVE what those two dudes from METALLICA, Robert “I Used to be in Suicidal Tendencies but now I just Stand There” Trujillo and Kirk “Wah Pedal Enthusiast” Hammett, did at their Toronto show! They dared to… *gasp* …play a RUSH song! 🤮 Yeah, you heard me right. RUSH. Like, the band your dad listens to while wearing socks with sandals. 👴🩴
So, apparently, these “doodles,” as Metallica so endearingly calls them (more like “dud-les,” amirite? 😂), are a new thing they’re doing on tour. The idea is to butcher… I mean, “cover” songs from their “musical heroes.” And by “musical heroes,” they clearly mean bands that are the polar opposite of Metallica’s brand of heavy metal thunder. Because nothing screams “Metallica” like a chill prog rock ballad. 😴
Trujillo, bless his heart, seems to think these little jam sessions are his “proudest moments.” 🤣 He regales us with tales of playing obscure foreign songs in front of 85,000 people, all while singing in languages he probably butchered worse than their cover of “La Villa Strangiato.” He even compares it to being a street musician! Dude, you’re in Metallica. You could probably buy and sell every street musician in Paris 10 times over! 💰🎻
He goes on and on about how much “hard work” goes into these “duets.” Apparently, Kirk and Rob even spent five whole days in Hawaii (the horror!) working on the arrangements. Five days! That’s, like, a whole work week for normal people! And they even surfed a little! Talk about dedication! 🏄♂️🙄
But let’s be real, people. This whole thing smacks of mid-life crisis. 👴🎸 It’s like watching your grandpa try to rap. 🎤🚫 It’s awkward, embarrassing, and makes you wonder if they’ve finally lost their minds.
And don’t even get me started on the “fan-filmed video.” It’s grainy, the sound is terrible, and you can barely see what’s going on. It’s like watching a Bigfoot sighting, except instead of a blurry ape-man, it’s just two guys who should probably stick to playing “Enter Sandman” for the millionth time. 📹🤦♀️
Oh, and apparently, not everyone is thrilled with Metallica’s renditions. Tom G. Warrior from Celtic Frost (a REAL metal band, btw 🤘) called their cover of “The Usurper” “humiliating” and said they’ve “long lost the ability to play true metal.” Savage! 🔥 But also, kinda true? 🤔
Look, I get it. Metallica wants to show their “artistic side.” They want to prove they’re more than just a one-trick pony. But honestly, guys, just stick to what you’re good at. Play the hits, headbang like your necks are gonna snap, and leave the RUSH covers to the dad bands at the local bar. 🎤🚫
P.S. Anyone else think Lars and James are secretly loving this? They get a nice, long bathroom break while Kirk and Rob embarrass themselves on stage. 🚽🤫 Genius! 🧠
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
