OMG! You won’t BELIEVE what just “leaked” from the FCC! 😱 Apparently, ASUS is working on a SECRET “Project Keenan” Xbox handheld… and get this, a ROG Ally 2! I bet it will still have Windows! Because everyone LOVES Windows! 🙄
So, after the earth-shattering success of the ROG Ally (you know, the one everyone totally remembers and still plays… right? 🦗🦗🦗) and the even MORE successful ROG Ally X (which, let’s be honest, sounds like a rejected Marvel superhero), rumors started swirling about an Xbox handheld. And now, BAM! Leaked pics! Courtesy of the oh-so-reliable FCC! 🙄 I mean, who needs NDAs when you’ve got the Freedom of Information Act, amirite?
According to some “reputable” sources like Windows Central (never heard of ’em), VideoCardz (sounds legit…ly sketchy), and 91mobiles (wait, is that a phone repair shop?), these leaked images PROVE that ASUS is not only blessing us with another ROG Ally (because, why not?), but also this “Project Keenan” Xbox handheld. Because Microsoft totally doesn’t have the resources to make their own handheld. Nope. Gotta outsource it to ASUS! 🤣
But wait, there’s MORE! The leaked pics show two models: a pristine, virginal white one (obviously the ROG Ally 2, because white = pure gaming bliss 🙏) and a gritty, battle-worn black one (the “Project Keenan,” probably because Xbox wants to appeal to the “edgy” crowd 🖤). And if you squint REAL hard, you can see that the black console has a button that *might* be an Xbox button… or it could just be a smudge. Who knows? 🤔
WindowsCentral (still not sure who they are) claims that the black console is being “openly” tested at Microsoft HQ. “Openly”? Like, they’re just walking around with it in the cafeteria? Sounds legit! And ASUS teased something about playing “ALL” your games. ALL of them? Even Minesweeper? Color me impressed! 🤯 The official Xbox account even responded with a “cheeky meme.” Oooooh, the plot THICKENS! 😈
This “ALL” your games thing could mean Xbox Game Pass, or it could just be marketing hyperbole. You know, like when they say “next-gen graphics” and it looks the same as the last gen. 🤷♀️ But hey, at least the serial numbers are legit! They’re in Indonesia’s SDPPI database! You know, the place you ALWAYS check for your gaming news! 🇮🇩
Now, while these images look totally real (especially that dust on the Xbox handheld… adds to the authenticity!), the article says to take it with a grain of salt. 🧂 Yeah, a GRAIN. More like a whole SALT MINE. Until ASUS or Microsoft officially announces something, this is all just speculation and hype. But hey, that’s what the internet is for, right? Spreading rumors and making wild assumptions! 🤪
So, there you have it. The “leaked” ASUS Xbox handheld and ROG Ally 2. Will they be amazing? Will they be terrible? Will they even exist? Only time will tell. But one thing’s for sure: the internet is going to be buzzing about this for the next five minutes. 🐝
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
