OMG! 😱 They’re resurrecting CBGB (again?) with the CBGB Festival, brought to you by the oh-so-punk corporate overlords at The Bowery Presents. Mark your calendars for September 27th, when a bunch of bands will be making noise at Under the K Bridge Park in Brooklyn, New York. Headlining this punk extravaganza are, wait for it… Iggy Pop (apparently he hasn’t played NYC since dial-up internet was a thing) and Jack White (who probably thinks buying a vintage amp makes him punk). Prepare for a day of overpriced beer and questionable fashion choices! 🤘
The lineup? Oh honey, they’re trying SO HARD. We’ve got punk “legends” like the SEX PISTOLS (who probably need their dentures glued in place before hitting the stage), Johnny Marr (who is definitely lost), LUNACHICKS (still rocking after all these years!), Marky Ramone (the only Ramone still kicking…literally), THE DAMNED (because someone has to be), and MELVINS (because sludge is punk, right?). But wait, there’s more! CBGB-era hardcore staples GORILLA BISCUITS (still yelling about unity), MURPHY’S LAW (because New York needs more Oi!), and CRO-MAGS (who will definitely start a fight). And then, the “future” of punk, including THE LINDA LINDAS (cute!), LAMBRINI GIRLS (never heard of ’em), DESTROY BOYS (edgy!), ANGEL DU$T (more like Angel Dust-Off), SCOWL (because frowning is the new smiling), PINKSHIFT (is that a new shade of lipstick?), TEEN MORTGAGE (relatable!), YHWH NAILGUN (what even IS that?), SOUL GLO (sounds sticky), and LIP CRITIC (because everyone’s a critic these days). 🙄
Want to throw your money at this glorious display of “punk”? Register NOW for presale access at cbgbfest.com. Presale tickets go live Thursday, May 15 at 10 a.m. ET, with public on-sale beginning Friday, May 16 at 10 a.m. ET. Set your alarms, folks! You wouldn’t want to miss the chance to pay exorbitant fees for the privilege of standing in a crowded park with a bunch of sweaty strangers. 🎟️
And get this: they’re offering a special “Young Punk” discounted GA ticket for New York residents under 25 – IN PERSON ONLY – at a box office pop-up at Music Hall of Williamsburg on Saturday, May 17 at 12 p.m. ET. Only 350 of these precious tickets will be available (because that’s how many people could cram into the original CBGB). The price? A cool $73, because 1973 was, like, SO punk. Good luck fighting your way through the hordes of trust fund babies trying to score a cheap ticket. 🤑
Remember Hilly Kristal? Yeah, the guy who started CBGB in 1973 on the Bowery? He turned a dive bar into an icon of raw energy, rebellion, and underground music, launching the careers of the RAMONES, BLONDIE, Patti Smith, TALKING HEADS, TELEVISION and countless others. Now his legacy is being exploited for profit. How punk is that? 🤷♀️
The CBGB Festival is a loving tribute to New York City’s gritty, sticker-covered past…through the lens of corporate sponsorships and overpriced merchandise. The lineup connects punk’s originators with its fiercest future voices, all answering one core question: Who would be playing at CBGB today…if CBGB was a soulless cash grab? 🤔
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
