So, Chris Nolan, fresh off his *Oppenheimer* victory lap (because, let’s be real, that movie was *totally* unbiased and not at all a love letter to a guy who may or may not have doomed us all), has decided that mere mortal screens are no longer worthy of his cinematic genius. He’s setting his sights on *The Odyssey*, that classic tale of a dude who took, like, a decade to find his way home. Because apparently, ancient Greece wasn’t epic enough already. 🙄
Word on the street is that Nolan, in his infinite wisdom, has demanded that IMAX bend to his will. Apparently, existing IMAX cameras are too… *pedestrian* for his artistic vision. They’re too big, too loud, and probably don’t have enough cup holders for his artisanal coffee. ☕ So, he’s basically strong-arming IMAX CEO Rich Gelfond (who probably wets the bed every night from Nolan-induced nightmares) into creating *bespoke* cameras, quieter and lighter, just for him. Because, you know, the rest of us plebs can just deal with the noise and clunkiness.
“Oh, but it’s for the *art*,” the Nolanites will cry. “He’s pushing the boundaries of cinema!” Yeah, sure, pushing the boundaries of cinema while simultaneously pushing IMAX into bankruptcy. Because who else is going to use these custom-made monstrosities after Nolan’s done with them? Maybe Michael Bay can use them to film explosions in, like, *extra* large format. 💥
And let’s not forget the dailies issue. Apparently, Nolan can’t be bothered to wait for the normal film processing. He needs *instant* gratification. He needs to see his genius unfold *immediately*, so IMAX has to revamp their entire scanning and processing system just so Nolan can stroke his ego a little faster. I bet he makes his assistants carry around a mirror for him at all times too. 🪞
Gelfond, bless his cotton socks, is playing along, claiming that Nolan is “forcing them to rethink their business.” More like forcing them to empty their wallets and sell their firstborn children to appease the Nolan god. 👶
The new cameras are supposedly 30% quieter. Thrilling. I can’t wait to hear the sound of silence in IMAX, as I’m being visually assaulted by Nolan’s over-the-top visuals. And, of course, these cameras are *exclusively* for Nolan, because why share the toys when you can hoard them all for yourself? After he’s done with *The Odyssey*, IMAX might deign to let other directors use them. Maybe. If they’re deemed worthy. 🤔
Meanwhile, everyone else is just slapping a few IMAX scenes into their movies and calling it a day. Coogler did it with *Sinners* (whatever *that* was), Cruise is doing it with *Mission: Impossible* (again?), and even Greta Gerwig is getting in on the action with her *Narnia* adaptation (because nothing says “childhood fantasy” like ear-splitting volume and a screen the size of a small country). 🦁
And let’s not forget the documentaries. Apparently, IMAX is trying to promote its format by showing documentaries about, like, the Blue Angels. Because who wouldn’t want to watch a bunch of planes flying around in super-duper-ultra-high definition? ✈️ It’s the perfect way to escape the existential dread of our impending doom.
So, there you have it. Nolan’s *The Odyssey* is set to be the first blockbuster shot entirely with IMAX cameras. A feat of filmmaking or a monument to ego? Only time will tell. But one thing’s for sure: my eardrums are already trembling in fear. 👂
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
