Oh great, another crossover! 🙄 As if Magic: The Gathering wasn’t already bloated enough with universes colliding like a toddler’s toy box. Now we’re getting Final Fantasy? Seriously, WotC, are you just throwing darts at a wall of IPs at this point? I bet My Little Pony is next. 🦄 Prepare for sparkly ponies with +1/+1 counters, folks!
So, apparently, Wizards of the Coast (aka the company that prints money and occasionally remembers to make a good card) has decided to unleash a “full-fledged set” based on Final Fantasy. Because, you know, what Magic REALLY needed was more convoluted lore and anime-inspired artwork. 🙄
And get this, some people are actually “marvelling” at the new cards. MARVELLING! 🤣 I guess some folks haven’t seen enough poorly balanced, overpriced cardboard in their lives. They’re probably the same people who think pineapple belongs on pizza. 🍕 (Spoiler alert: it doesn’t.)
But fear not, dear readers, because CGMagazine (whoever THEY are) has been blessed with the exclusive privilege of revealing THREE new cards. 🤩 Three whole cards! You lucky ducks! I’m sure these cards will single-handedly save the world, cure cancer, and finally explain the ending of *Lost*. (Just kidding, nothing can explain the ending of *Lost*.)
Before we dive into this pile of pixelated nostalgia, let’s clarify the “subsets” because apparently, just making cards isn’t complicated enough. We’ve got FIN, FIC, and FCA. It sounds like alphabet soup, and tastes just as bland. 🥣 Each with their own carefully curated selection of cards designed to drain your wallet faster than a black hole. 🕳️
And then there’s “FINAL FANTASY Through The Ages” (FCA), the “bonus sheet” reprints. Oh, reprints! Because nothing screams “innovation” like rehashing old cards with slightly different artwork. It’s like putting a new coat of paint on a rusty old car and pretending it’s a Tesla. 🚗💨
But hey, at least the artwork is “iconic.” You know, the same artwork you’ve probably seen plastered all over the internet for the past 20 years. But now it’s on a Magic card! How exciting! 🎉
So, without further ado, let’s take a stroll down memory lane, shall we? (Warning: may contain excessive amounts of JRPG tropes and questionable fashion choices.)
Vayne Carudas Solidor (Fynn, the Fangbearer)
Ivalice fans, apparently, should be “rejoicing!” (I’m not sure who these Ivalice fans are, but they sound like a sad bunch.) Vayne Carudas Solidor, the villain from *Final Fantasy XII*, is now a Magic card. Because apparently, being a tyrannical emperor isn’t enough, he needs to conquer the Magic multiverse too. 👑
And what existing card did they decide to slap Vayne’s face on? Fynn, the Fangbearer. Because, you know, the aesthetics are SO similar. A cunning politician is the same as a Nordic wolf dude. 🐺
Oh, and he brings poison counters! Because nothing says “fun and interactive gameplay” like slowly and agonizingly losing the game to a mechanic that’s been around since the dawn of Magic. ☠️ At least it fits with Vayne’s character, right? He was all about slowly and agonizingly taking over Ivalice!
Orphan, Cocoon fal’Cie (Muldrotha, the Gravetide)
Next up, we have Orphan from *Final Fantasy XIII*. Yes, THAT *Final Fantasy XIII*. The one that everyone loves to hate (or secretly loves to hate). 💖 The art is cool, but you have to squint to see it on a card.
And guess what? It’s a reskin of Muldrotha, the Gravetide. Because why bother creating new mechanics when you can just recycle old ones? ♻️ At least Muldrotha is a pretty good card. I guess if you really love *FFXIII* and love to graveyard dump and recast permanents, this card is for you.
And the article writer wants a remaster of *FFXIII*. Sure, why not? Let’s just keep milking that cow until it’s nothing but dust and bones. 🐄💀
Baron Rivalry (Deadly Dispute)
Finally, we have Baron Rivalry, featuring Cecil and Kain from *Final Fantasy IV*. This card actually has pretty cool art, not gonna lie. Airi Yoshioka did a good job, and *FFIV* is a stone-cold classic.
It’s a reskin of Deadly Dispute, which is a decent card. Sac an artifact or creature, draw two cards, make a Treasure. Pretty good. But does it really capture the essence of the rivalry between Cecil and Kain? Probably not. 🤷♀️
The article writer then goes on a tangent about *Dungeons & Dragons* and how it inspired *Final Fantasy*. Okay, boomer. 👴
And there you have it! Three new cards that will probably be forgotten in a week. But hey, at least they’re pretty to look at. Maybe. If you like that sort of thing. 🖼️
Stay tuned for more coverage of *Magic: The Gathering—Final Fantasy*! (Or don’t. I’m not your boss.) Just remember to pre-order now so you can be disappointed the moment you crack your first pack. 📦🔥
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
