OMG! Greta Gerwig, fresh off her *Barbie* success (because apparently, that’s the only thing she’s ever done now), is apparently “blessing” us with a *Narnia* adaptation. And guess what? They’re dragging Carey Mulligan into this fantastical mess! Someone hold me back from rolling my eyes into another dimension. 🙄
So, yeah, Gerwig is “deep” into casting. Translation: she’s probably scrolling through Instagram, picking out actors based on their follower count. And Mulligan, bless her heart, is “close to signing on.” Which means her agent probably saw a fat paycheck and didn’t even bother reading the script. Who needs artistic integrity when you can have Netflix money, amirite? 🤑
The article then tries to explain what *Narnia* is, in case we’ve all been living under a rock. It’s got magic, talking animals, and some angsty kids. Basically, *Lord of the Rings* for people who think hobbits are too scary. 🍄
But wait, there’s more! Gerwig’s not just adapting any old *Narnia* book, oh no. She’s going for *The Magician’s Nephew*, the one that explains where Narnia came from. Because who needs a good story when you can have origin stories? 😴 Daniel Craig is supposedly in talks to play Uncle Andrew. Because James Bond needed more quirky roles after playing a detective in knives out. And Charli XCX was going to be Jadis, but they decided to give it to Emma Mackey instead. Because that makes sense. 🤷♀️
And Mulligan? She’s playing Digory’s sick mom. Because apparently, she’s aged out of playing anything remotely interesting. At least Meryl Streep is voicing Aslan, so there’s that. But let’s be real, even Meryl can’t save this from becoming a woke disaster. 🦁
The article also mentions that Gerwig somehow managed to get Netflix to give this movie a two-week IMAX run. Because Netflix cares about cinema now? Or maybe they’re just trying to trick us into thinking this is a “real” movie. Don’t fall for it, sheeple! 🐑
Then there’s a whole section dedicated to Mulligan’s filmography. As if anyone cares. She was in some period dramas, some indie flicks, and that one movie where she pretended to be a badass. Good for her. 🎬
And finally, the release date. Thanksgiving 2026 in IMAX, then Christmas on Netflix. Because nothing says “holiday cheer” like a CGI lion and some existential dread. 🎄
Oh, and there’s a list of all the *Narnia* movies you can buy on Amazon. Because capitalism. 💸
In conclusion, this *Narnia* adaptation is shaping up to be a train wreck of epic proportions. But hey, at least it’ll give us something to complain about on Twitter. So thanks, Greta! 🙏
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
