PATRIK JENSEN of THE HAUNTED Finally Figured Out How to Plug In His Guitar After 8 Whole Years

So, THE HAUNTED, those Swedish thrash metal *pioneers* (air quotes, obviously), are FINALLY gracing us with a new album, “Songs Of Last Resort”. May 30th, mark your calendars…or don’t, whatever. 🤷‍♂️ Apparently, it’s been, like, eight years since their last “masterpiece”, “Strength In Numbers”. I bet you were all on the edge of your seats, right? RIGHT?! 🙄 Patrik Jensen, the guitar dude, gave an interview where he blamed everyone but himself for the delay. Typical.

He said Ola (the other guitar dude with a YouTube channel because, you know, metal isn’t lucrative enough) is always writing stuff. Like, duh, gotta pay the bills somehow. Then he threw Jonas (bass) under the bus, claiming he was “burnt out” from writing TWO AT THE GATES albums. Oh no! Two albums! The horror! 😱 Maybe he should try working a *real* job for a change. Just sayin’.

Apparently, back in the day, THE HAUNTED used to, like, *rehearse* together. Can you imagine? Actually getting in the same room to make music? So archaic! 👴 Now they all live in different cities, even different COUNTRIES. Adrian, the drummer, apparently bailed for CRADLE OF FILTH back in ’99. Talk about a career move… sideways. ⬅️➡️

But wait, there’s more! After “Strength In Numbers” (which, let’s be honest, no one remembers), Patrik felt it was “stiff”. He wanted it to sound more like old-school HAUNTED. So, naturally, he blamed his guitar plugins. 🤦‍♂️ He booked a studio, flew Adrian in (presumably on his dime), and they were gonna write a bunch of songs. Except…plot twist! Adrian got a “tummy bug” and was out of commission for three days. Then Patrik got it. So, basically, they paid for a studio and a plane ticket to share stomach flu. Metal AF! 🤘

Then came the pandemic, because of course it did. But then, a miracle! Patrik started working for a company that makes guitar plugins. And wouldn’t you know it, their ENGL Savage plugin made him feel like he was back in the rehearsal space. So, between March and the end of summer (six whole months!), he wrote ELEVEN songs. He claims he didn’t realize he was being held back by his “tools”. Maybe he should have just practiced more? 🤔

Anyway, he told the other guys they were recording in November. They were skeptical, because, you know, eight years of nothing will do that to a band. But somehow, they managed to pull it together. And now we have “Songs Of Last Resort”. I’m sure it’ll be groundbreaking. 🙄

Jensen says they’re “really happy” with the album. Of course he does! He also says they didn’t realize it was gonna be “more than a new album”. Deep, man. Real deep. 🧘‍♂️ Apparently, when they started adding vocals and solos, they were all like, “This sounds really good!” Groundbreaking insights here. So, maybe it was worth the wait. Maybe not. Who cares? 🤷‍♀️

He’s already started writing for the NEXT album, because now it’s “easy”. Sure, Jan. He says it’s still “work”, but he doesn’t feel “held back” anymore. I’m sure the guitar plugin company is thrilled with the free advertising.

The reception to the first two singles, “Warhead” and “In Fire Reborn”, has been “very good”. By “very good,” he means “not completely ignored.” They were “curious if people even remember us”. A valid concern after eight years of radio silence. He’s been reading the comments online (NEVER read the comments!), and people are “very happy”. I’m sure there’s at least one person who’s genuinely excited. One.

He then went on a nostalgic rant about KISS and JUDAS PRIEST. Apparently, he felt like he was “coming home” when he saw a live video of ‘Love Gun’. I’m sure that’s exactly what people will feel when they hear “Songs Of Last Resort”. Except, you know, with less makeup and more mid-life crisis angst.

The music videos for the singles were directed by some dude who’s worked with IN FLAMES, ARCH ENEMY, and DIMMU BORGIR. So, you know, standard metal fare. Expect lots of fire, smoke, and dramatic headbanging. 🔥💨

The album was recorded in some studios with some dudes. Blah blah blah. Mixed and mastered by Jens Bogren, who’s worked with everyone and their grandma in the metal scene. Artwork by Andreas “Diaz” Pettersson, their “longtime visual collaborator”. Translation: They couldn’t be bothered to find someone new.

Here’s the track listing. Prepare to be underwhelmed:

01. Warhead (03:39) – Probably about war. Or heads. Maybe both. 💣🧠
02. In Fire Reborn (03:18) – Because metal.
03. Death To The Crown (02:56) – Edgy.
04. To Bleed Out (04:29) – More edgy.
05. Unbound (03:34) – Freedom! Or something.
06. Hell Is Wasted On The Dead (02:53) – Profound.
07. Through The Fire (03:01) – Still on fire.
08. Collateral Carnage (04:03) – Sounds messy.
09. Blood Clots (01:30) – Eww.
10. Salvation Recalled (03:26) – Maybe they found Jesus? Doubtful.
11. Labyrinth Of Lies (03:30) – Deceptive.
12. Letters Of Last Resort (04:06) – The title track! Expect something vaguely emotional.

“Songs of Last Resort” will be available in various formats, including a limited CD mediabook with a poster (because who doesn’t need another metal poster?), a standard CD jewelcase (remember those?), a digital album (duh), and a 180g LP (for the vinyl snobs). There’s even a bonus track called “Feeding The Furnace”. I bet it’s fire.

Here’s the band lineup, in case you forgot who’s who:

Ola Englund – rhythm, lead guitar (and YouTube star)
Jonas Björler – bass, backing vocals (the burnt-out one)
Marco Aro – lead vocals (screaming dude)
Adrian Erlandsson – drums (the tummy bug victim)
Patrik Jensen – rhythm guitar (the plugin enthusiast)

The album is a follow-up to “Strength In Numbers”, which was recorded in the UK with some other dude. The artwork was created by their “longtime designer”. Again, they couldn’t be bothered.

Back in 2017, Englund said “Strength In Numbers” was more “mature” than “Exit Wounds”. I’m sure “Songs Of Last Resort” will be even MORE mature. Maybe they’ll start wearing suits on stage. 👔