Okay, buckle up buttercups, because we’re about to dive headfirst into the cinematic dumpster fire that is…*drumroll*…’Practical Magic 2′! 🧙♀️🔮
So, like, apparently, Hollywood’s run out of original ideas faster than I run out of snacks during a Netflix binge. ‘Practical Magic 2’ is happening, because why not resurrect a mediocre movie from the 90s and slap a fresh coat of desperation on it?
First, the “news” flashes across the screen:
* Joey King, bless her heart, is “in talks” for ‘Practical Magic 2.’ Translation: Her agent probably got a call, and now everyone’s pretending it’s a done deal.
* Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock are back. Because, duh, they need another paycheck and a reason to remind us they haven’t aged a day (thanks, Botox!).
* Susanne Bier is directing. Because apparently, the director of ‘Bird Box’ and ‘The Undoing’ has nothing better to do than wrangle a bunch of aging actresses and a script that probably smells faintly of mothballs.
So, the plot of the original ‘Practical Magic’ was about two sisters who were also witches. One was all about that “normal life” (yawn), and the other was, like, *totally* embracing her inner goth. There was a curse, some dead boyfriends, and a whole lot of white lady tears. 😭 Now, they are back with a sequel.
And what about the plot for ‘Practical Magic 2’? 🤫 Well, nobody knows! But here’s a hot take: Joey King will play one of Bullock’s daughters. She’ll discover the family secrets, and maybe she’ll also find out that her mom’s real name is actually Karen and that the magic is just a metaphor for complaining to the manager.
Akiva Goldsman, who worked on the original, is back to, like, ensure the sequel is as uninspired as possible. And Georgia Pritchett, a veteran of ‘Veep’ and ‘Succession,’ is also credited, which means we can expect some witty banter about witchy inheritances and maybe a boardroom battle over the best way to hex your enemies. 😈
Griffin Dunne, the original director, is out. Why? Because he’s suddenly become woke and thinks a woman should direct this movie. Okay, boomer. Whatever helps you sleep at night. 😴
So, what else has Susanne Bier made? Oh, just a bunch of indie movies and some fancy TV shows. Who cares? The real question is: Can she handle the sheer star power of Kidman and Bullock without spontaneously combusting? 🔥
And when will ‘Practical Magic 2’ be in theaters? September 18th, 2026. Mark your calendars, folks! You have over a year to prepare yourself for the disappointment. Maybe start practicing your eye rolls now. 🙄
But hey, at least it’s not going straight to Max! (Or whatever Warner Bros. decides to call its streaming service by then.) We get to experience this cinematic masterpiece in all its big-screen glory! Yay! 🎉
And if you’re looking for other movies similar to ‘Practical Magic 2,’ well, good luck with that. Maybe just rewatch the original and pretend the sequel doesn’t exist. Or better yet, go outside and touch some grass. 🌳
In conclusion, ‘Practical Magic 2’ is probably going to be a train wreck. But hey, at least we’ll have something to laugh at. And who knows, maybe it’ll be so bad, it’s good. Stranger things have happened…probably involving magic. ✨
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
