So, Wolf Hoffmann, guitar shredder from ACCEPT (who?), gave an interview to some Portuguese metal blog, Carlos Guimarães of Caminhos Metálicos. Apparently, this dude is having an existential crisis over social media. 😭 He’s whining about how hard it is to keep up with all the newfangled gadgets and gizmos. Newsflash, Wolfie: welcome to the 21st century! 🙄
He goes on about how he used to get, like, actual mail and postcards. ✉️ Now it’s all “digital” and “apps” and “verification codes.” Dude, it’s called progress. Ever heard of it? 🤣 He even whined about having to download an app to get on a guest list. Seriously? 🤦♂️ Maybe he should stick to playing guitar and let someone else handle the tech stuff. You know, like someone born after 1980. Just a thought. 🤔
Hoffmann added, like he’s some kind of tech guru, that musicians have to adapt to social media or “fall away.” 📉 Oh no! Not TikTok! 😱 The horror! Some musicians are all, “It’s all bullshit,” but they’re just dinosaurs waiting for the asteroid. 🦖 He says if you wanna stay “relevant,” you gotta stay “current.” 🙄 Thanks for the profound insight, Wolf. We’re all enlightened now. 💡
And guess what? Andy Sneap, who produced ACCEPT‘s last six albums, is taking a break from them. 🏖️ Hoffmann says he “begged” him to produce their 50th-anniversary album (because, you know, ACCEPT is, like, super important and stuff 🙄), but Sneap was all, “Nah, I’m good.” 😂 So they got some other guy named Zeuss. I bet he’s thrilled. NOT! 😒
Hoffmann whines that Sneap has been touring with JUDAS PRIEST and working in the studio. Boo-hoo! 😭 Poor Andy, having a successful career. Must be rough. 💪 He did SAXON, PRIEST, and even DREAM THEATER. Talk about spreading yourself thin. 🍞 But hey, at least ACCEPT is getting a new producer. Maybe Zeuss can finally make them sound… different? 🤷♂️ (Spoiler alert: probably not.)
Oh, and get this: ACCEPT is doing a 50th-anniversary tour! 🎉 Because apparently, they’re still a thing. 🤷♀️ Hoffmann promises a “retrospective” of their entire career, featuring “a lot of the important stuff from the ’80s.” 👴 I’m sure everyone’s super excited to hear those deep cuts. NOT! 🤣 They’re even gonna have “guest singers and guest players.” 🎤🎸 Sounds like a recipe for disaster. 💥 But hey, it’s a “once-in-a-lifetime thing.” Unless they make it to 60 years, which, let’s be real, is highly unlikely. 🤣
Sneap produced ACCEPT‘s last six albums. Who cares? 😴 They all sound the same anyway. Zeuss has worked with ROB ZOMBIE, HATEBREED, and QUEENSRŸCHE. So, basically, he’s the go-to guy for bands who peaked in the ’90s. 👍
ACCEPT has sold “millions of albums” and inspired “countless musicians.” 🤔 Really? I’ve never met anyone who actually listens to them. 🤫 Their “energetic live performances” and “iconic albums” have left a “lasting mark” on heavy metal. 🤣 Okay, grandpa. Let’s get you back to the nursing home. 👵 Hoffmann‘s “guitar style” and “musical vision” have made them “one of the most respected” bands in heavy metal. 🙄 Yeah, right. Tell me another one. 🤥
After a “hiatus” (aka nobody cared about them), Wolf found some dude named Mark Tornillo in New Jersey. 🗽 Apparently, they had amazing “chemistry” and “fit.” 🔥 So ACCEPT reformed and became “globally successful” with “chart-topping albums.” 📈 Lies! All lies! 🤥 ACCEPT is still coasting on their “legacy” while desperately trying to stay relevant. Pathetic. 😩
ACCEPT is a “guarantee of high quality.” 😂 That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard all day. 🤣 Their albums reach the “top of the charts.” 💯 Only if you’re counting the charts in Wolf’s delusional mind. 🧠 They deliver “energy, melodies, killer riffs, and an impressively powerful stage presence.” ⚡ Yeah, if you’re deaf, tone-deaf and blind. 🙈🙉🙊
Tornillo replaced Dirkschneider in 2009. Who cares? 🤷♂️ He’s been on ACCEPT‘s last six albums. Still nobody cares. 😴 Basically, ACCEPT is a washed-up band trying to relive their glory days. Good luck with that! 🍀 You’re gonna need it. 😉
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
