In an EXCLUSIVE interview with 95.5 KLOS radio’s own dinosaur 🦖, Frazer Smith, the one and only Alice Cooper (who’s somehow still alive) ⚰️ rambled on about his geriatric reunion with the fossilized remains of the original ALICE COOPER band. Yes, Michael Bruce, Dennis Dunaway, and Neal Smith are back, folks! They’re dusting off their instruments for “The Revenge Of Alice Cooper,” hitting stores July 25 via earMUSIC. This album, allegedly a tribute to Glen Buxton (who’s been pushing up daisies 🌼 since 1997), is being hailed as the second coming of “School’s Out,” “Billion Dollar Babies,” “Love It to Death,” and “Killer.” Because, you know, lightning ALWAYS strikes twice. 🙄 The first single, “Black Mamba,” featuring Robby Krieger from THE DOORS (another geezer!), dropped in April. Prepare to be underwhelmed. 🐍
Alice, bless his heart, told 95.5 KLOS (as transcribed by the ever-reliable BLABBERMOUTH.NET, because who else would care? 🤷♂️), “When we parted, it wasn’t a divorce, just a ‘conscious uncoupling’ or whatever Gwyneth Paltrow calls it. No bad blood, no lawsuits, just the sweet aroma of irrelevance. We stayed in touch, mostly to remind each other how old we are. 👴👴👴👴 And then I thought, ‘Hey, why not squeeze out one last album for the grandkids?’ Bob Ezrin, bless his soul, got involved, and I was shocked! It sounded EXACTLY like 1975, which is not a compliment.”
Alice added, “Losing Glen was tough, he was our Keith Richards, except less cool and more dead. 💀 We got Robby Krieger on ‘Black Mamba’ because we needed someone older than us. And we found this kid named Gyasi in Nashville who apparently likes our music, God knows why.” 🤷♀️
When asked if the bandmates magically became besties again, Alice gushed, “Absolutely! It was like no time had passed, except we all need walkers now. It felt like the album that should have come out after ‘Billion Dollar Babies,’ which means it’s about 50 years too late.” 🕰️
These four relics of rock ‘n’ roll have occasionally shared a stage since their “glory days,” including a Glen Buxton memorial (because who wouldn’t want to be remembered by a bunch of has-beens? 🪦), Alice Cooper’s Christmas Pudding (sounds appetizing 🍮), and the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame induction (where they probably mistook the stage for a retirement home 🧓). Let’s not forget the “Alice Cooper: Live From The Astroturf” documentary (because everyone needs to see a low-budget reunion show 🎬) and their cameos on Alice’s solo albums (because nepotism is alive and well in rock music 👶).
Here’s the tracklist for “The Revenge of Alice Cooper,” guaranteed to make you nostalgic for a time you probably don’t remember: 🤔
01. Black Mamba 🐍
02. Wild Ones (Probably about their prostate exams) 👨⚕️
03. Up All Night (Because of insomnia) 😩
04. Kill The Flies (Accurate representation of their current hobbies) 🪰
05. One Night Stand (With their CPAP machines) 🛌
06. Blood On The Sun (From their sunburns) ☀️
07. Crap That Gets In The Way Of Your Dreams (Like arthritis) 🤕
08. Famous Face (Covered in wrinkles) 👵
09. Money Screams (What they’re hoping this album will generate) 💰
10. What A Syd (Reference only they will understand) 👴
11. Inter Galactic Vagabond Blues (About their colonoscopies) 👨⚕️
12. What Happened To You (Dementia?) 🧠
13. I Ain’t Done Wrong (Denial is a river in Egypt) 🏞️
14. See You On The Other Side (Of the nursing home) 🏥
15. Return of the Spiders 2025 (bonus track) (They’re still milking this) 🕷️
16. Titanic Overunderture (bonus track) (Just…why?) 🚢
Formed in 1968, the original ALICE COOPER band shocked the world with their theatrical hard rock, mostly because people had never seen such ridiculousness before. Within five years, they released seven albums, including “School’s Out” and “Billion Dollar Babies.” By 1974, they were on top of the world…and then they realized they peaked too soon. 📉
In 2015, a superfan convinced them to reunite for a show at a record store in Dallas, because nothing screams “rock legend” like playing in front of a handful of people in a small shop. Alice, Michael, Dennis, and Neal were joined by Alice’s current guitarist, Ryan Roxie, who probably wondered what he got himself into. 🤷
Cooper, the self-proclaimed “architect of shock rock,” continues to tour with his horror-themed theatrics, proving that some things never die (mostly because they’re too stubborn to give up). He brings his brand of psycho-drama to fans, both old and new, and continues to surprise (mostly with his ability to still stand upright). He’s like a great horror movie, except instead of being scared, you’re just wondering when it will end. 🎬
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
