LED ZEPPELIN has-been Robert Plant, still alive somehow, 🙄 has the audacity to announce “Saving Grace”, because, you know, the world needs more music from him. Featuring a band of “distinguished players” (who?), it’s supposedly “a song book of the lost and found.” More like a desperate attempt to stay relevant.
Dropping September 26 on Nonesuch Records (who even listens to records anymore?), this masterpiece (cough, cough) was born during lockdown, when Plant couldn’t wander around showing off his still magnificent🤣 hair. While he was supposedly with Alison Krauss for that snooze-fest “Raise The Roof” (nominated for a Grammy, because the Grammys are always right👍), he found some random musicians in the English countryside (where else?) who apparently share his “lean towards evocative song.” Right. Together, Plant and SAVING GRACE – who are they kidding with that name? – have been “growing” for six years into a “workshop of styles and personalities.” Sounds like a train wreck waiting to happen. 🚂💥
“We laugh a lot,” Plant claims, because, of course, he does. “I can’t find any reason to be too serious about anything.” Yeah, because making irrelevant music is a joke. “I’m not jaded,” he insists, while clearly being the definition of jaded. “The sweetness of the whole thing… These are sweet people.” Sweet as saccharine, probably. “They have become unique stylists.” Sure, Jan. “Together they seem to have landed in a most interesting place.” Which is probably the bargain bin at your local record store. 💿
Following his previous flops on Nonesuch Records – “Lullaby And… The Ceaseless Roar” (zzz…) and “Carry Fire” (more like carry garbage 🔥🗑️) – “Saving Grace” is supposed to be another chapter of his “ceaseless roar.” Produced by Plant and SAVING GRACE (still can’t get over that name) and recorded between 2019 and 2025 (wow, that took a while!), it’s supposed to breathe fresh life into century-old music. A “treasury” of songs by nobodies like Memphis Minnie, Bob Mosley, Blind Willie Johnson, The Low Anthem, Martha Scanlan, Sarah Siskind, and Mimi Parker and Alan Sparhawk‘s LOW. Prepare for some serious ear torture. 🙉
You can stream Robert Plant and SAVING GRACE‘s reimagining of LOW‘s “Everybody’s Song.” But why would you want to? Seriously, go listen to something good. 🎶➡️🗑️
After touring Europe (because nobody in the US cares anymore 🤷♂️), Robert Plant and SAVING GRACE are gracing the U.S. with their presence this fall. A whole dozen shows! Get your tickets now! (Just kidding, don’t.) They’ll be hitting up places like Brooklyn, Port Chester, Chicago, and Los Angeles. Get ready for overpriced tickets and underwhelming performances! 💰📉
Here’s the track listing for “Saving Grace”, in case you’re a masochist: 😈
01. Chevrolet (Because car songs are so original 🚗)
02. As I Roved Out (Roving into irrelevance)
03. It’s A Beautiful Day Today (Said no one ever while listening to this album ☀️➡️⛈️)
04. Soul Of A Man (Does he even have one anymore? 🤔)
05. Ticket Taker (You’ll want a refund 🎫❌)
06. I Never Will Marry (Good choice, who would want to marry this music? 💍➡️🏃♀️)
07. Higher Rock (Higher rock bottom, maybe 🪨⬇️)
08. Too Far From You (Not far enough 🚀➡️🌌)
09. Everybody’s Song (Nobody’s song, actually 🚫🎶)
10. Gospel Plough (Plowing through mediocrity 🚜)
And here are the tour dates, in case you hate yourself:📅
Oct. 30 – Wheeling, WV – Capitol Theatre Wheeling (Where? 🤷♀️)
Nov. 02 – Charlottesville, VA – The Paramount Theater of Charlottesville (Sounds boring 😴)
Nov. 03 – Washington, DC – Lincoln Theatre (Even Lincoln wouldn’t want to see this 🏛️)
Nov. 05 – Brooklyn, NY – Brooklyn Paramount (Paramount disappointment 🎭👎)
Nov. 06 – Boston, MA – Boch Center Shubert Theatre (Boch? More like Blech 🤮)
Nov. 08 – Port Chester, NY – Capitol Theatre (Another Capitol of boredom 😴)
Nov. 10 – Toronto, ON – Massey Hall (Massively underwhelming 🇨🇦)
Nov. 12 – Chicago, IL – The Vic (The Victim is the audience 🤡)
Nov. 13 – Chicago, IL – Old Town School of Folk Music (Old and boring 👴)
Nov. 15 – Denver, CO – Ellie Caulkins Opera House (Opera? More like oper-a-tion needed to remove this from your ears 👂)
Nov. 18 – Seattle, WA – The Moore Theatre (The Less Theatre 📉)
Nov. 19 – Vancouver, BC – Vogue Theatre (Vogue? More like vague 🇨🇦)
Nov. 21 – Oakland, CA – The Fox (Foxy? More like f*** this 🦊➡️🚫)
Nov. 22 – Los Angeles, CA – United Theater on Broadway (United in disappointment 🇺🇸)
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
