Well, well, well, choombas. Looks like CD Projekt RED is back at it again with the 2.3 update for Cyberpunk 2077. Because, you know, the game wasn’t already perfect enough. I mean, who needs a stable framerate or a coherent storyline when you can have…more cars? 🚗💨
So, get this: Paweł Sasko and Adrien Jouannet graced us with their presence on the official Cyberpunk 2077 YouTube page. They said the game was in a “pretty good place.” Pretty good? 🤔 Is that why I still clip through walls and my car spontaneously combusts? Anyway, they want to make it “fresher and playable.” Fresh? Like that time I found a week-old burrito under my couch? Playable? As opposed to the unplayable mess it totally was at launch? 🤣
Oh, but it gets better. The update is all about vehicles and traversal. Three new cars and ONE measly motorcycle. Because what this game really needed was more ways to get stuck in Night City traffic. And quests to unlock them? 🙄 Seriously? Do I look like I have time for fetch quests when I could be exploiting glitches to become a millionaire? 💰
And now for the pièce de résistance: Auto-Drive. 🤣 You can now select a point on the map and let the game drive for you. Because who actually wants to, you know, PLAY the game? And it has “Wander Mode,” which will cause the vehicle to drive endlessly. Perfect for those times when you want to simulate the existential dread of being trapped in a broken game. 🤪
But wait, there’s more! Photo Mode is getting an upgrade. Because the one thing Cyberpunk was missing was better filters and stickers. I’m sure everyone will forget about the bugs and broken promises once they can take the perfect selfie in front of a dumpster. 🤳
On the technical side, we’re getting SSR 3.1 Frame Generation and SSR 4 Frame Generation. Because nothing says “immersive gameplay” like acronyms and jargon that nobody understands. Oh, and Intel XeSS 2.0 Frame Generation, because CDPR wants to support “as many new technologies as possible.” Translation: “We’re throwing everything at the wall and hoping something sticks.” 🤷♀️
The Cyberpunk 2077 2.3 Update releases July 17th to PC, PlayStation 5, Xbox Series X|S, and recently Mac. Because apparently Macs can run Cyberpunk now? 💻 I’m sure the Nintendo Switch 2 version will be out…eventually? Maybe? Don’t hold your breath. 💨
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
