So, the prevailing wisdom is that TRUE heaviness only exists if your guitar strings are so loose they could double as rubber bands for your grandma’s dentures, right? WRONG! We’ve been lied to, people! PLASMODULATED, bless their tiny, rebellious hearts, are here to drag death metal kicking and screaming back to the land of “guitars that are actually in tune.” “An Ocean Ov Putrid, Stinky, Vile, Disgusting Hell” (catchy title, guys ) is their first full-length album, spearheaded by the enigmatic Myk Colby, and it’s already making waves… or maybe just causing a slight ripple in the cesspool that is the modern DM scene.
One of the perks of NOT tuning your guitars to the frequency of whale farts is that you can actually, you know, HEAR the music. PLASMODULATED‘s opening track, “Enveloping Effluvium,” basically spells it out: this is death metal for people who secretly like MEGADETH. I mean, it’s still grimy, but with a “snappy, precise delivery” that’s suspiciously reminiscent of bands that could actually play their instruments. And the “bright, melodic thrust”? Are we sure this is death metal and not some forgotten hair metal band trying to be edgy? Compositionally, though, it’s allegedly “pure, old-school, technical death metal ugliness.” So, like, ugly but with a degree from Julliard?
01. Enveloping Effluvium
02. Gelatinous Mutation Ov Brewed Origin
03. Such Rapid Sphacelation
04. Excess Virulent Seepage
05. Entering The Gastral Realm (Pt. 1 – Parasitic Mutant From Beyond)
06. Entering The Gastral Realm (Pt. 2 – Ingurgitation Simulation)
07. The Final Fuckening
08. Drowning In Sputum
09. Trapped In The Plasmovoid
10. An Ocean Ov Putrid, Stinky, Vile, Disgusting Hell
Judging by the album’s cover art—which looks like someone threw up a box of melted crayons after watching a marathon of horror movies —PLASMODULATED clearly wants to be part of the “cool kids” club. This is supposedly “psychedelic death metal,” but instead of drowning you in a swamp of sonic sludge, they, like, have RIFFS and TUNES. It’s almost offensive how listenable it is. The two-part “epic,” “Entering The Gastral Realm,” supposedly “traverses several subgenre borders.” But the band’s guitar work is so focused and clear that it’s giving off major “early ’90s” vibes (think CONVULSE, DEMILICH, and PHLEBOTOMIZED). Meanwhile, the “syrupy synthesizers” (eww, syrup ) apparently link them to the likes of WHARFLURCH (surprise, surprise, Myk Colby is in that band too!) and SLIMELORD. Songs like “The Final Fuckening” (oh, grow up!) and “Drowned In Sputum” (someone get this band a tissue!) apparently “writhe and fidget,” with riffs “wielded like weapons.” And “flashes of post-VOIVOD eccentricity”? Are they trying to be weird or something?
Apparently, there’s a “strong, doomy element” to PLASMODULATED‘s sound too. The closing title track is apparently “foulness incarnate” and a big “fuck you” to anyone who still likes detuned guitars. From “belligerent bursts of blast-beaten riffing” to the “slow ache of lethargic and haunting low-end riffs,” Colby’s vision is supposedly “vivid and enthralling.” But it’s also “deeply unsavory and dripping with mysterious effluent.” So, basically, it’s like finding a used diaper filled with week-old chili. “Putrid, stinky, vile”? Sounds about right. Just another album to add to the ever-growing pile of “obnoxiously great death metal.”
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
