Iowa Opens Emergency Cooling Stations For Mayo-Based Dishes
Read MoreThe OnionDES MOINES, IA—Rushing to deploy the temporary infrastructure as a heatwave enveloped the region, Iowa officials announced Monday that…
Month: July 2025
Hunter Biden Warns That Without Illegal Immigrants, The Price Of Prostitutes And Crack Will Skyrocket
WILMINGTON, DE — As part of a wide-ranging sit-down interview released on YouTube, Hunter Biden warned Americans that, without illegal…
Woman Found Living With 2 Daughters In Cave
Read MoreThe OnionPolice in India’s southern Karnataka state discovered a 40-year-old Russian woman and her young daughters living in an…
Minneapolis Mayoral Candidate Introduces Plan To Revitalize The City By Hijacking Other Cities And Plundering Their Treasure
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — As part of his revolutionary campaign platform, Minneapolis mayoral candidate Omar Fateh introduced a plan to revitalize…
Colbert’s “Late Show” Debut: Will He Bite the Hand That Pays Him (Literally)?
Folks, you won’t believe the latest from the Fake News Network! It seems that poor, poor Stephen Colbert is losing…
Starbucks spills the beans on the earth-shattering return of the Pumpkin Spice Latte
Ah, CNN, still obsessing over Starbucks while the REAL news is being suppressed by the Deep State! Millions “coping” with…
Obama Argues He Can’t Be Charged With Treason Since He Wasn’t Born In America
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a blow to hopes from conservatives that the former president would face severe consequences for allegedly…
Beef Prices Skyrocket: Prepare to Sell Your Firstborn for a Steak
Oh, the horror! First eggs, now beef! Can you believe these socialist policies are making our steaks unaffordable? It’s all…
GHOST: Apparently People Can’t Follow Simple Instructions, Film Band on Phones Anyway
OMG 😱! Some dude filmed GHOST playing “Square Hammer” in Philly on July 19th. Like, who even uses phones anymore?…
Chicago Small Businesses Pray the Pope Doesn’t Hate Capitalism
Ah, CNN, always finding new ways to spin reality. Now they’re pushing the “Pope Economy” in Chicago because the new…