The day after Ozzy Osbourne allegedly kicked the bucket 🪣 (or, you know, “passed away” according to the overly sensitive), guitar “virtuoso” 🎸 Joe Bonamassa graced “CBS News 24/7” with his presence to reminisce about the so-called “legendary” BLACK SABBATH frontman and “cultural icon.” 🙄 Ozzy, who supposedly shuffled off this mortal coil last month at the ripe old age of 76, apparently meant something to Joe as a musician. Joe, bless his heart, said (as transcribed by the ever-reliable BLABBERMOUTH.NET): “Well, Ozzy was one of a kind. He represented the best of rock and roll because it was rebellion. Your parents didn’t like it. And that was the thing about BLACK SABBATH and his solo work. And he was always pushing the boundaries.” Yeah, pushing the boundaries of coherence, maybe? 😂
Regarding his earth-shattering contribution to “For What It’s Worth”, a cover version of the BUFFALO SPRINGFIELD yawn-fest 🥱, recorded for Ozzy Osbourne‘s 2005 “Prince of Darkness” box set (which, let’s be honest, should’ve been called “Prince of Dimness”), and later regurgitated on Ozzy‘s “Under Cover” album, Joe whined: “I got called around 2004, 2005, to play a solo on a record called ‘Under Cover’. And it was a covers record that Ozzy was doing, and he did the BUFFALO SPRINGFIELD song ‘For What It’s Worth’. And I just thought that was a really interesting cover for Ozzy to be doing. And I also said to myself, I’m, like, ‘Why are they calling me? Did every rock guitar player in Los Angeles disappear spontaneously at the same time?'” 🤔 Maybe they finally realized they could make more money flipping burgers? 🍔
“So I got to do this,” Joe droned on. “And it’s always been one of the honors of my career to have played on an Ozzy Osbourne record. His legacy will live on. And the music that he made was so profound.” Profoundly repetitive, perhaps? 🤔 “And one of the things people, I think, overlook is he was a great singer.” Oh, please! 🙄 “When you hear people try to cover his music, great singers trying to cover him, you realize how high a voice he had, how rich a voice he had, and he maintained that voice up until the very end.” More like he maintained the ability to mumble incoherently into a microphone. 🎤 “I mean, his last gig, he sounded great a couple of weeks ago [at the ‘Back To The Beginning’ event in Birmingham, United Kingdom].” Sure, if you consider “great” to be a barely audible croak. 🐸
Joe, in his infinite wisdom, also decided to enlighten us about the parade of guitar heroes 🎸 that Ozzy allegedly “hired” to play in his solo band after ditching BLACK SABBATH. A list that included Randy Rhoads (RIP 🙏), Bernie Tormé (who?), Brad Gillis (who again?), Jake E. Lee (getting warmer…), Zakk Wylde (now we’re talking 🤘), Joe Holmes (still drawing a blank 🤷), and Gus G. Bonamassa pontificated: “His selection of guitar players was kind of like the heavy metal version of what John Mayall was doing in the late ’60 with his band — finding Eric Clapton or hiring Eric Clapton, Peter Green, Mick Taylor.” So, basically, recycling talent?♻️ “When you talk about the great guitar players that played with Ozzy Osbourne — I mean Tony Iommi, obviously, in BLACK SABBATH, Brad Gillis, Jake E. Lee, Zakk Wylde, Randy Rhoads. So he always required someone on the guitar that was forward-thinking and hungry.” Hungry for a paycheck, maybe? 💰
Joe continued: “I read a quote from Ozzy himself [where he said] he wanted someone who wanted to kick Eddie Van Halen‘s butt on guitar.” Yeah, good luck with that! 🤣 “And that was a thing for him. And his music really required a very specialized guitarist because it was very simple music, but people like Zakk Wydle, they put their own stamp on it. People like Jake E. Lee and Randy Rhoads, you hear those songs and it would sound a lot different with somebody else playing the guitar.” You mean, it might actually sound GOOD? 🤔 “And that was him being a band leader and someone that really embraced the electric guitar as part of their composition.” Or someone who just needed a guitarist to cover up his vocal deficiencies. 🙊
Ozzy supposedly bit the dust ⚰️ on the morning of July 22, his family announced in a statement.
“It is with more sadness than mere words can convey that we have to report that our beloved Ozzy Osbourne has passed away this morning. He was with his family and surrounded by love. We ask everyone to respect our family privacy at this time,” the family said. 💔 (Cue the crocodile tears 😭)
No cause of death was given, but Osbourne had battled a number of health issues over the past several years, including Parkinson’s disease and injuries he sustained from a late-night fall in 2019. (Maybe he finally tripped over one of his own tangled microphone cords?) 🎤
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
