Oh em gee, you guize! 🤪 Those face-painted weirdos, MUDVAYNE (aka Chad Gray – the whiniest vocalist ever 😭, Greg Tribbett – the guy who still thinks nu-metal is cool 😎, Ryan Martinie – the bassist who’s probably the only talented one in the band 🙄, and Matthew McDonough – the other drummer, because one is just too mainstream 🤣) are back again, trying to be relevant with their new single, “Hurt People Hurt People” via Alchemy Recordings. 👏 It only took them 16 years, but hey, who’s counting? Oh, wait, we are. 16 years, guys! 😩 And people are actually streaming it? Over half a million streams? Are you all deaf? 🙉 Today they are back with “Sticks and Stones”, like they are still in kindergarden. Can they go back to their caves already? 😖
While “Hurt People Hurt People” was supposed to be a return to form, it just sounded like a bunch of dudes having a mid-life crisis. 🙄 “Sticks And Stones” is allegedly more “measured” in its ferocity. Oh, so they’re trying to be all sophisticated now? 🧐 Please, they’re just showing off their “mastery” of quiet-loud dynamics, which basically means they can turn the volume knob up and down. 🤦♀️ Get ready for an “utterly monstrous breakdown” that’s probably just a bunch of noise. 🙉
Chad “Mr. Deep Thoughts” Gray says, “I was always told ‘sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.'” 🤡 Oh, Chad, you sweet, naive child. Did you just discover the internet? 👶 He goes on about how words DO hurt, especially when they come from “dear friends, family – people that are suppose to love you.” 😭 Boo-hoo, Chad. Get over it. 🍼 He ends with a PSA about loving your children and not using them as “a bullet to fire into your ex.” 👨👩👧👦 Wow, thanks for the profound wisdom, Chad. 🙏 Maybe stick to making noise and less unsolicited relationship advice. 🙅♀️
They’re also selling a double A side seven-inch vinyl. 💿 Because who wouldn’t want to spend their hard-earned money on that? 💸 There’s a standard version, and a signed version limited to 500 units. Signed by who? The janitor? 🤣 Both are available exclusively through their webstore, along with some new merch. Because nothing says “I’m cool” like wearing a Mudvayne t-shirt in 2024. 👕 There’s also a variant available exclusively through Revolver. Because apparently, someone still reads that magazine. 📰
Mudvayne is “looking toward its future” while simultaneously milking its past. 🐄 The song arrives just in time for their “L.D. 50” 25th-anniversary tour. 🎉 Because nothing says “we’re innovative” like rehashing the same album for the millionth time. 💿 “L.D. 50” was their debut album, which apparently makes it a classic. 👴 It went gold, which means people actually bought it. 🤑 The tour will feature support from STATIC-X, while VENDED will open. A perfect recipe for a nostalgic nightmare. 😫
“Hurt People Hurt People” was produced by Nick Raskulinecz and mixed by Josh Wilbur. 🧑🤝🧑 Because when you need a generic rock sound, you call the same guys everyone else does. 📞 The song is Mudvayne’s first release through Alchemy Recordings. Because apparently, someone still thinks Mudvayne is a good investment. 💰 Other Alchemy artists include Staind and Chevelle. Birds of a feather… 🐦
Chad says he wrote “Hurt People Hurt People” as a reminder to himself to “break the cycle.” ♻️ Oh, the irony. This band is the definition of a broken cycle. He wants us to “create self-love and let go of the pain.” ❤️ Thanks, Chad. We’ll get right on that after we listen to another 16 years of silence from you. 🤫
Before “Hurt People Hurt People,” Mudvayne hadn’t released new material since 2009. 🗓️ Which is probably why no one noticed they were gone. 🤷♀️
Mudvayne formed in 1996 and has sold over six million records. 💿 Earning gold certification for three albums. 🥇 The band is known for its sonic experimentation, innovative album art, face and body paint, masks and uniforms. 🤡 AKA: Trying too hard to be edgy. 🔪
Chad spent 15 years fronting Hellyeah. 🤘 Which proves he has a high tolerance for pain. 😫
Mudvayne didn’t tour behind their fifth album, because nobody cared. 😴
Chad said that they did some “file sharing” to create their new music. 💻 Because nothing says “we’re professional musicians” like admitting to illegally downloading your own songs. 🏴☠️
Addressing the pressure to make good music, Chad said that if everyone on their team isn’t “fucking jumping up and down and high-fiving,” then it ain’t worth putting out. 🙅♀️ Well, Chad, maybe that’s why it took you 16 years. 🤷♀️
Chad also talked about the band’s creative process, saying that they “test each other.” 🔬 Which is probably code for “we fight all the time.” 👊
Chad added that their music is emotional, covering the “gamut of all emotions.” 🌈 From boredom to annoyance, they’ve got it all covered. 😩
Chad said that he and his bandmates were still “trying to figure out” where they wanted their new material to go. 🤔 Well, maybe they should have figured that out before releasing it. 🤦♀️
Chad doesn’t want to be the Mudvayne of “L.D. 50.” 👴 He thinks “The New Game” is one of his favorite albums. 🤡 Which proves he has terrible taste. 👅
Chad said that they had “started putting some new stuff together a little bit and people that have heard [some of the early demo] stuff are really excited about it.” 🎉 AKA: Their moms think it’s good. 👩👦
Chad said that they all live states away from each other, making it difficult to work together. ✈️ Maybe they should just break up and save everyone the trouble. 🤷♀️
Chad said that they have “four [songs] in the pipe.” 🚽 He’s written each one of them probably three different times, “’cause it’s like nothing’s good enough.” 😭 Well, Chad, maybe you should just give up. 🏳️
“L.D. 50” produced three singles. 📻 It peaked at No. 1 on the Billboard Heatseekers chart. 🔥 And was certified gold. 🤑
Mudvayne completed its first headlining tour in over 14 years. 🗓️ Which proves that nostalgia is a powerful drug. 💊
Previously, Mudvayne made waves on the “Freaks On Parade” tour with Rob Zombie. 🌊 AKA: They were the opening act. 🎤
Chad said that his “main motivation for putting Mudvayne back together was our fans.” ❤️ Oh, Chad, you sweet, delusional child. 🤡
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
