Oh boy, are you guys ready for this? 🤯 William Shatner, the 95-year-old “Star Trek” legend, is making a heavy metal album called “What The F Is Heavy Metal?” and I’m not sure if I should be excited or concerned for the future of humanity. I mean, who needs coffee when you have Shatner screaming “Space, the final frontier… of heavy metal?”
So, it turns out that Shatner’s record label, Cleopatra Records, approached him with the idea of making a heavy metal album, and his response was, “What the F is heavy metal?” – which, of course, became the title of the album. Because, why not? I mean, it’s not like he’s going to win any awards for “Most Likely to Understand the Genre” or anything.
The album, which is set to be released in 2027, will feature guest appearances by several dozen hard rock and heavy metal musicians, including Brian May (Queen), Rob Halford (Judas Priest), John Moyer (Disturbed), and Dave Lombardo (Slayer). Because, you know, when you’re 95 years old, you can just call up your buddies from the metal scene and be like, “Hey, wanna be on my album?” And they’re all like, “Sure thing, Bill!”
The Birth of a Heavy Metal Album
Shatner previewed several songs from the album with his newly formed heavy metal band, THE *UCKERS, at the Riot Fest on September 20 at Chicago’s Douglass Park. Because, you know, what’s a 95-year-old man doing at a metal festival? Just living his best life, that’s what. The band performed six songs from the album, including three originals written by Shatner and his longtime writing partner Rob Sharenow, and three covers – Metallica’s “Enter Sandman”, Ozzy Osbourne’s “Crazy Train”, and Motörhead’s “Ace Of Spades”. I mean, who wouldn’t want to hear Shatner’s rendition of “Enter Sandman”? It’s not like it’s going to be a trainwreck or anything…
In a recent interview, Shatner said, “So, the label Cleopatra said to me about six months ago, ‘Why don’t we do a heavy metal album?’ And I said, ‘What the fuck heavy metal?’ And that’s the title of the album, ‘What The F Is Heavy Metal?'” Yeah, because that’s exactly how the conversation went down. I’m sure it wasn’t like, “Hey Bill, we need to make some money, so let’s make a heavy metal album” or anything like that.
Shatner’s Approach to Heavy Metal
Shatner has said that he approached the making of his heavy metal album from the perspective of a curious newcomer. Because, you know, when you’re 95 years old, you’re basically a blank slate just waiting to be molded into a heavy metal god. He explained, “You gotta start with the premise that I really know nothing. I’m inquisitive. Apparently, I’m inquisitive, and I’m reading and looking up all the time, stuff. So I began to experiment. I fastened on to emotions. I thought heavy metal has gotta be about emotions – violent, passionate… Not violent – passionate emotions.” Yeah, because that’s exactly what heavy metal is all about – passionate emotions… said no one ever.
He also said that he reinterpreted the lyrics of the cover songs, including “Enter Sandman”, which he thinks is about a child molester. Because, you know, that’s exactly what that song is about… said no one ever. I mean, who needs actual knowledge of the song’s meaning when you can just make something up? It’s not like Metallica is going to be like, “Uh, Bill, that’s not what the song is about at all…”
In conclusion, William Shatner’s heavy metal album “What The F Is Heavy Metal?” is going to be a thing, and I’m not sure if we should be excited or terrified. I mean, it’s not like it’s going to be the worst thing ever or anything… but it’s definitely going to be… something. So, if you’re feeling adventurous, go ahead and give it a listen. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you… 🤘🎸🔥
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
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