OMG! 😱 Eric “ConcernedApe” Barone, the supreme overlord of Stardew Valley, graced us peasants with a crumb of info about Haunted Chocolatier! He said it’s gonna be, like, SOOOO much bigger than Stardew. As if we didn’t already know he was going to milk us dry with another endless timesink. 🙄
So, apparently, the Stardew Valley addicts—I mean, *fans*—have been suffering withdrawal symptoms waiting for news about Haunted Chocolatier. It’s only been, what, three years since the announcement? Get a grip, people! 😂 Barone, in his infinite wisdom, declared that working on this game is way less restrictive than Stardew Valley. Translation: He can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants. Because, you know, he’s ConcernedApe. Bow down! 🙏
And what profound insights did our lord and savior share? “I’ve been having fun.” Groundbreaking! 🤯 “There are so many possibilities.” No duh, Sherlock! 🙄 “I felt somewhat constrained.” Boo-hoo, cry me a river! 😭 He wanted to go “unleashed.” Oh, please. Like Stardew Valley wasn’t already a complete descent into madness. 🤪 But fear not, he hasn’t even gotten to the “sauce” yet. I’m sure that’ll be a DLC we’ll all be clamoring to buy for an exorbitant price. 🤑
But wait, there’s more! Today, he decided to bless us again with another earth-shattering revelation. 🙄 Since 2021, he’s posted a grand total of three times on the Haunted Chocolatier website. Slow down, buddy, don’t strain yourself! 💪 The latest post, titled “Intuitive Chocolate Making,” delves into his “game design philosophy.” Which, as far as I can tell, means “do whatever feels good and hope people buy it.” 🤷♂️ Oh, and he also said that anything he says is subject to change if he doesn’t feel like it’s fun anymore. So basically, don’t get your hopes up. 🤡
And now, for the grand finale! 🎉 Drumroll, please! 🥁 The latest update, straight from the Ape’s mouth on X (formerly Twitter, because who cares, right? 🐦), is this: “The world of haunted chocolatier is larger than stardew valley.” That’s it. That’s the tweet. 👏 Genius! 🧠 Truly, we are not worthy. 😭
So, there you have it, folks. Haunted Chocolatier is still a thing, maybe. It’ll be bigger than Stardew Valley, probably. And ConcernedApe is still in charge, unfortunately. 🤷♀️ Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going back to playing Stardew Valley for the millionth time. Because what else am I going to do with my life? 😭🎮
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
