OMG! CLAWFINGER, those geriatric Swedish rap-metal dudes, just dropped a music video for their new single, “Scum”. 🙄 Apparently, it’s directed by some guy named Rune Foss – bet you’ve never heard of him! The track, mixed by Jocke Skog (who?) and mastered by Jens Bogren (double who?), is allegedly a diss track aimed at ex-president Donald Trump. Yeah, because that’s still relevant. 🙄 With lyrical gems like “a bad taste in my mouth, a sore sight for my eyes,” it’s clear they’re trying to win a Nobel Prize for poetry. And let’s not forget the oh-so-subtle “another pussy to grab, yes that’s what you said, a small cock in your pants, no brain in your head.” Real mature, guys. Real mature. 👶🍼
So, five years ago, CLAWFINGER‘s singer, Zak Tell (still whining, I see), was yapping to some German metal site about how their debut album, “Deaf Dumb Blind,” is still relevant. Newsflash, Zak: no one cares! He said there’s a Trump for every Greta Thunberg. 🤯 Deep thoughts, dude. Really making us rethink everything. He whined about how humanity hasn’t progressed. Gee, thanks for the profound insight! 🙄 Maybe if they spent less time complaining and more time writing decent music, things would be different. Just a thought. 🤔
Guess what? CLAWFINGER signed a new record deal with Perception, a division of Reigning Phoenix Music. Who are these guys? Probably desperate for some “legacy” act to boost their sales. Good luck with that! 🤣
On June 20, CLAWFINGER took to social media to announce their record deal. They admitted they don’t understand the music business anymore. Well, duh! They don’t know if it’s a brilliant move or a misguided one. Spoiler alert: it’s the latter. They even acknowledged the industry is a fickle beast. At least they’re self-aware, I guess? 🤷♀️ They’re thrilled to be caught in the trap again. More like thrilled to be relevant again, even if it’s just for a hot minute. ⏳
Last July, Tell was asked if they’d ever release a follow-up to their 2007 album. He compared it to GUNS N’ ROSES‘ “Chinese Democracy.” Seriously? Comparing themselves to GUNS N’ ROSSES? The delusion is real! 🤡 They have like five songs almost ready. Maybe they’ll release it as an EP. Whoop-dee-doo! 🙄 He doesn’t know if there will be an album. No one cares, Zak! They write songs whenever they have ideas. Inspiration must strike once a decade, then. 🗓️ They all have full-time jobs and families. So basically, music is just a hobby for them now. A very, very irrelevant hobby. 🧶
Zak also mentioned they only play big festivals. Because who wants to see them in a small club? He explained that everything costs more. Welcome to the real world, buddy! They refuse to pay to play. Oh, the horror! 😱 They did that in the ’90s and early 2000s. They’re not doing that again. They don’t need to make big money. Yeah, because they’re already rolling in dough, right? 💰 He whined about how it costs money to put on a show. No sh*t, Sherlock! 🕵️♂️ He blamed streaming and TikTok for people not realizing how much work goes into it. Get off my lawn, grandpa! 👴
In March 2022, CLAWFINGER released a music video for “Environmental Patients.” Groundbreaking! 🌍 That was their first new music in over two years. Slow clap. 👏
Before that, they released “Tear You Down” in 2019 and “Save Our Souls” in 2017. Riveting stuff! 😴 “Save Our Souls” came out four years after they announced they were quitting. So much for that! 🤡
During their break, they were “taking care of their families.” How noble! They also played “sporadic reunion shows.” Translation: they were desperate for attention. They claimed CLAWFINGER is no longer their main job. We figured that out a long time ago. 🕰️
CLAWFINGER‘s last album, “Life Will Kill You,” came out in 2008. It entered the German charts at No. 89. Woo-hoo! 🎉 It was recorded at Fear And Loathing Studios, which they run with the members of MESHUGGAH. Birds of a feather, I guess? 🪶
I’m sure everyone will rush to watch the video and buy the single. NOT! 🤣😂🤣😂🤣
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
