🤪OMG!🚨 Get ready to open your wallets, KISS Army (and your gullible parents)!🤑 Apparently, some old dude named Eddie Kramer (who, let’s be honest, probably needs the cash💰) is digging up tapes from 1975 to milk the “Alive!” album for every last penny! 💵💸💵 Prepare for “Kiss Alive! 50,” because originality clearly died with disco.🕺💃
So, get this! On some podcast hosted by a guy from Twisted Sister🎸 (yeah, *that* Twisted Sister), Eddie claims he spent, like, 46 days mixing this thing. Forty-six days!🤯 Did it take that long to find the reverb button?🙄Apparently, some miracle worker at Universal found the “bloody tapes.” Who knew they even *existed* after all these years of Gene and Paul hoarding everything like rock ‘n’ roll squirrels?🐿️ Now, Eddie’s bragging about restoring and transferring them. Because, you know, we *totally* needed to hear those out-of-tune guitars in *even higher* quality.🎧 And, hold the phone! They even recorded rehearsals! 🤯I bet those are *thrilling*! Can’t wait to hear Gene burp into the mic between takes!🎤🤮
Eddie’s also gushing about how “serious” the band was about making the record sound “fantastic.” Oh, I bet they were! Probably serious about making sure their makeup didn’t run under the hot stage lights.💄😂 And get this: Dolby Atmos!🔊 Because nothing screams “1970s raw energy” like surround sound! It’s gonna be a “beautiful package” coming out “late fall,” just in time for your grandma to buy it for Christmas.🎁🎄
Last year, Eddie told Guitar World🎸 that they “had to fix a bunch of stuff” on the original “Alive!” album. No kidding, Eddie! We all knew it wasn’t exactly live.🎤🎶 It’s more like “Barely Alive!”💀 The only thing “live” about it was the audience’s reaction to the pyrotechnics!🔥💥
When asked if anyone in the band had a say in those “fixes,” Eddie admitted they did. Well, duh! Of course, Gene and Paul had a say! They probably demanded Eddie remove all evidence of Ace Frehley’s🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸 guitar solos and replace them with cat🐱 meows.😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹 The album came out “bloody great” because they worked “tirelessly for weeks.” Weeks! To make it sound “amazing!” So, it’s not “totally ‘live’,” but it’s a “great creation of the live sound of KISS from that time.” Right, Eddie. It’s a “creation” alright. Like Frankenstein’s monster, but with more makeup and platform boots!🥾🥾🥾🥾🥾🥾🥾🥾 Apparently, it’s hard to stay in time and tune when you’re jumping up and down in six-inch heels. Who knew?🤔
Back in June 2025, Paul Stanley told some dude on a podcast that “‘Kiss Alive!’ really captured the essence of the live experience.”🎤 Sure, Paul. Just like a wax museum captures the essence of human life. 🧍♂️🧍♀️🧍♂️🧍♀️🧍♂️🧍♀️🧍♂️🧍♀️ The album “immersed” you in the experience by surrounding you with people and bombs going off.💣💣💣💣💣💣💣💣 And, of course, “fixing any mistakes or a broken string.” Because, heaven forbid, we hear a human error on a live album!😱 Purists might look down their noses, but who cares? The album is still considered one of the greatest live albums ever. Not because it was live, but because it “captured the live experience.” Which, apparently, means being fake as hell.🎭🤡
KISS played their “final shows ever” in December 2023. Yeah, right. We’ll see them again in another five years for the “Kiss: We Swear We’re Really Done This Time” tour.🎤🎶🎸🥁🤥
The last show was streamed on pay-per-view. Because, of course, it was. Gotta squeeze every last dollar out of the fans, right? 💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸
“End Of The Road” was originally scheduled to end in 2021. But then they realized they could make more money, so…🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑
KISS sold their entire music catalog to some Swedish company. Because, why not? Might as well let ABBA handle the KISS legacy. What could possibly go wrong?🤷♀️🤷♂️ A biopic, an avatar show, and a KISS-themed experience are in the works. An avatar show?🤖 Seriously? So, now we can watch fake KISS play fake songs forever? ♾️ This is what rock ‘n’ roll has come to, folks.🤦♀️🤦♂️
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
