OMG! 🙄 Slash, the dude who still wears a top hat in 2024, 🎩 is apparently too cool 😎 for the Sphere in Vegas! 🤣 He whined 😭 to Eddie Trunk (who even listens to that guy anymore? 👴) about how it’s not “rock and roll friendly.” 🤣 Dude, you’re in GUNS N’ ROSES! 🌹🔫 You guys haven’t been “rock and roll friendly” since, like, 1991! 🤣 More like “rock and roll geriatric!” 👴👴👴
So, Eddie “Who?” Trunk, desperate for content 🤷, asked Slash if GN’R would ever grace 🤮 the Sphere with their presence. Slash, bless his heart (or lack thereof ❤️🔥), said he’s “trepidatious.” 🤣 Trepidatious!?! Who uses that word? 🤓 Is he afraid his top hat will block the 16K screen? 🤣 He goes on to say it’s all about visuals and not a “proper rock and roll show.” 🙄 As if Axl Rose can even sing anymore! 🎤💥 It’s more like a “proper train wreck” these days! 🚂💥
Then, Slash, in his infinite wisdom 🧠, mentions that Joe Walsh (from the EAGLES 🦅, you know, those guys who sing about hotels 🏨) told him the Sphere isn’t set up for rock and roll. 🤣 Oh, really? I thought it was designed specifically for aging rockers 👴👴👴 looking to cash in one last time! 💰💰💰 Slash thinks it’s a “cool thing,” but not right for a “proper rock and roll show.” 🤣 Someone get this guy a mirror! 🪞 He thinks GN’R is still relevant! 😂
But wait, there’s more! 🤡 Eddie “Still Irrelevant” Trunk mentioned that everyone’s waiting for a metal band to play the Sphere, and METALLICA 🤘 is supposedly in talks for 2026. Slash is “interested” 🧐. Oh, really? I thought he was too busy counting his money 🤑 and polishing his top hat! 🎩 He says METALLICA can do it because they’ll focus on the “projection” 🎬 and not just the “band performance.” 🤣 Ouch! Shots fired! 🔥 But let’s be real, METALLICA hasn’t had a good “band performance” since the ’80s! 👴👴👴
Slash then says it’s hard for GN’R to get into the “mindset” 🧠 of focusing on visuals. 🤣 As if they have any other choice! Axl can barely move, let alone sing! 🎤💥 The visuals are the only thing keeping people from walking out! 🚶🚪 He ends with a “we’ll see,” which is code for “we need the money, but we’re too old and stubborn to adapt!” 👴👴👴
The Sphere, in case you’ve been living under a rock 🪨 (or maybe just avoiding GN’R concerts 🙅♀️🎶), is a giant, spherical venue with a crazy screen and sound system. It’s located near the Venetian and Wynn, because what’s more rock and roll than hanging out with tourists and gamblers? 🎰🤪
U2 👴👴👴 opened the place with their Achtung Baby nostalgia trip. 🙄 They played to, like, a million people 🤑🤑🤑, proving that people will pay anything to relive the past. It became a “global phenomenon,” which is just a fancy way of saying “people posted about it on Instagram.” 🤳📱 They worked with all these fancy artists and directors, because apparently, Bono can’t direct himself out of a paper bag. 🤡🧻
Oh, and there was also an NHL draft 🏒 and a UFC event 👊. Because nothing says “rock and roll” like hockey and cage fighting! 🏒👊 The Sphere has, like, the best LED display and sound system ever, so you can really see and hear how much Axl’s voice has deteriorated! 🎤💥😭
And get this, they’re building another Sphere in Abu Dhabi! 🇦🇪 Because the world needs more giant balls ⚽ with screens on them! 🌍🤦♀️ Maybe GN’R will play there when they’re, like, 80 years old! 👴👴👴 In conclusion, Slash is a grumpy old man 👴 who’s afraid of technology 🤖 and probably still thinks mullets are cool. 💇♂️🤣
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
