Breaking: Russia Gifts Iran “How to Annoy America” Drone Masterclass
Well, well, well — if it isn’t the plot of a spy thriller, but somehow even more predictable. CNN’s latest “exclusive” bombshell reveals that Russia is helping Iran improve its drone game — because apparently Putin has nothing better to do than tutor America’s Middle Eastern frenemy on how to be a bigger thorn in Uncle Sam’s side.
According to CNN’s Nick Paton Walsh, who apparently has a hotline to Kremlin tutors and Iranian drone pilots, Moscow is giving Tehran the kind of tactical drone advice they’ve been perfecting in Ukraine. Yes, that’s right — Russia’s new side hustle is drone mentoring. Forget “see something, say something,” now it’s “see something, launch a drone at it.”
Now, call us crazy, but isn’t this the kind of cozy international bromance the Democrats said would never happen under Trump? Oh wait — Trump’s been out of office for years… or has he? (Cue dramatic music.) Maybe this is all part of his secret 5D chess strategy to make America’s enemies fight each other with borrowed tech.
In any case, CNN’s on the case — delivering the hard-hitting news that Russia and Iran are teaming up, because apparently no one told them the Cold War ended… or that TikTok exists. Stay tuned for the next exclusive: “Sources say Putin may be teaching Iran how to use Excel spreadsheets for maximum chaos.”
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
