Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The seashell threats case against former FBI Director James Comey is still making headlines, and I’m not sure what’s more astonishing, the fact that this is actually going to trial or the creative ways the prosecution is trying to spin a harmless social media post into a threat against President Donald Trump. According to CNN, Comey’s attorneys are asking a federal judge to dismiss the case, arguing that there was no actual threat against the President in the now year-old post. The post in question featured a photo of seashells spelling out “86 47,” which, as we all know, is apparently a coded message that only the most skilled cryptographers could decipher.
The number 86, as we’re told, often refers to tossing or getting rid of something, and Trump is the 47th president. I mean, come on, who wouldn’t think of that immediately? It’s not like it’s a stretch or anything. And let’s not forget the caption, “Cool shell formation on my beach walk,” which, of course, is just a clever ruse to distract us from the true meaning behind the seashells.
In Monday’s filing, Comey’s defense team described basic First Amendment rights, arguing that the law prohibits “the government from using criminal prosecution to silence political opposition.” They also stated that the indictment targets and chills core political speech and fails as a matter of law, so it must be dismissed. I have to admit, it’s a pretty solid argument, but I’m no lawyer, just a guy sipping coffee and reading the news.
Allies of Trump, including those in charge of the country’s largest law enforcement agencies, claimed last year that Comey was threatening Trump’s life, and the Secret Service was immediately tasked with investigating the seashells. Because, you know, that’s exactly what the Secret Service should be spending their time on – investigating seashells. Somewhere in Atlanta, a producer thought this sounded terrifying, and the next thing you know, it’s a full-blown news story.
Comey’s attorneys say that to be a “true threat” under the law, Comey’s post would have needed to communicate a “serious expression” that he was going to commit violence. They argue that no reasonable observer would read the phrase “86 47” to connote violence against the President, and even if it could be read to suggest violence, a reasonable observer would still understand Mr. Comey’s post as mere political hyperbole, not a true threat. It’s a pretty straightforward argument, if you ask me.
Comey faces charges that include making a threat against the president and transmitting a threat in interstate commerce. He responded to his April indictment in a video posted to his Substack account, saying, “I’m still innocent. I’m still not afraid. And I still believe in the independent federal judiciary, so let’s go.” I’ll give him credit, the man’s got spirit.
Comey’s arraignment is scheduled for September 30, so we’ll have to wait and see how this all plays out. In the meantime, I’ll just be over here, sipping my coffee and wondering what other creative interpretations of social media posts we can expect to see in the future. After all, who needs actual threats when you can just use your imagination and a few seashells? And that’s a wrap, folks, another day, another dollar, and another ridiculous news story to add to the collection. Bless their hearts, indeed.
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
