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Day: December 5, 2024

Supreme Court Rules 8-1 In Favor Of Taking Turns Bonking Justice Sotomayor On The Head With Their Gavels
Babylon Bee

Supreme Court Rules 8-1 In Favor Of Taking Turns Bonking Justice Sotomayor On The Head With Their Gavels

December 5, 2024

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The government’s judicial branch continued to methodically work through remaining cases before the upcoming holiday break, with…

Suspicious? Biden Pardons Hunter For Anything He Might Do Tonight Between 2:30 and 4:17 AM Outside The Capitol Heights Applebee’s
Babylon Bee

Suspicious? Biden Pardons Hunter For Anything He Might Do Tonight Between 2:30 and 4:17 AM Outside The Capitol Heights Applebee’s

December 5, 2024

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Biden issued another controversial pardon for his son Hunter this week which exonerates him for “what…

UnitedHealthcare CEO Killed
The Onion

UnitedHealthcare CEO Killed

December 5, 2024

    Read MoreThe OnionBrian Thompson, the CEO of UnitedHealth’s insurance unit, was fatally shot outside a Midtown Manhattan hotel in what…

The Onion

Judge Delays Decision After Learning One Menendez Brother Always Lies, One Always Tells The Truth

December 5, 2024

    Read MoreThe OnionLOS ANGELES—Appearing stumped by the convicted murderers’ testimony, Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Michael Jesic reportedly delayed his…

Every Single Human Behavior Now Classified As Autism Or ADHD
Babylon Bee

Every Single Human Behavior Now Classified As Autism Or ADHD

December 5, 2024

U.S. — Secretary of Health and Human Services Xavier Becerra announced in a press conference Thursday that, going forward, every…

‘Cryptocurrency Is Stupid,’ Says Nerd Without Mega Yacht
Babylon Bee

‘Cryptocurrency Is Stupid,’ Says Nerd Without Mega Yacht

December 5, 2024

LOS ANGELES, CA — Local loser Melvin Thompson, who apparently has no desire to own a billion-dollar mega yacht, declared…

🐻 Denuvo Goes Missing: Gamers, Teddy Bears, and a Toy Heist in Indiana Jones and the Great Circle! 🎮
🎮 Gamers Rejoice! Denuvo Stolen, Teddy Bears Demand Ransom from Bethesda! 🐻🔫💾
Games News

🐻 Denuvo Goes Missing: Gamers, Teddy Bears, and a Toy Heist in Indiana Jones and the Great Circle! 🎮

Pixel P. SnarkbyteDecember 5, 2024December 5, 2024

In an unprecedented twist of events, Bethesda’s upcoming Indiana Jones and the Great Circle will be free of the notorious…

The Onion

Hospital Sends Man Home With Loaner Dad While His Worked On

December 5, 2024

    Read MoreThe OnionSEATTLE—Saying the amenity was meant to ease any inconvenience caused by the disruption to his daily routine, Harborview…

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  1. CirrusFlash on Oh great, another overpriced ski simulator nobody asked for is getting a shiny new trailer and a collector’s edition, whoop-de-doo 🙄 ⛷️ 👻 💰.April 25, 2025

    Another celebrity podcast? Can\'t wait to authenticity.

  2. canary apple red on HBO Bends the Knee to Rowling: Trans Rights? Apparently Not as Magical as Galleons! 🤑April 25, 2025

    Another celebrity podcast? Can\'t wait to Ryan.

  3. Bleach on 🛒Amazon Takes Full Control of 007: James Bond Gears Up for the Battle of Likes and Discounts🎬April 25, 2025

    The Met Gala theme this year: \'millionaires but make it expensive.\'

  4. Crazy Eights on Oblivion Remaster: ‘Body Type’ vs ‘Gender’ – Who Won This Clown Show? 🤡🎉April 25, 2025

    Another celebrity podcast? Can\'t wait to 5000.

  5. Sleek Assassin on 🤠 Amazon Reinvents Mass Effect: Forget the Reapers, Meet Galactic Two-Day Shipping!April 25, 2025

    Award shows: where sponsored hand each other trophies for existing.

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