Okay, so, like, remember Joey Jordison? The dude who got the boot from Slipknot because…reasons? 🤔 Well, his family, bless their hearts, wants YOUR money to release this “highly anticipated” VIMIC album in September 2025. 🙄 I mean, it’s only been, what, a decade since it was supposed to drop? What could possibly go wrong? 🤷♀️
So, after Joey got “voluntold” to leave Slipknot (allegedly over transverse myelitis, but who *really* knows? 🤫), he decided to dabble in other projects. First, there was Scar the Martyr, which, let’s be honest, sounded like a rejected Mortal Kombat character. 💀 Then came VIMIC, which is basically Scar the Martyr 2.0, featuring some of the same dudes. They even had a single called “Simple Skeletons.” Groundbreaking stuff, really. 🙄
Apparently, VIMIC dropped a few singles between 2016 and 2017. Did anyone actually hear them? Probably not. But hey, they got Dave Mustaine from Megadeth to do a solo on one of their songs, “Fail Me (My Temple).” I’m sure that REALLY helped. 🤦♂️ Mustaine even said the album “wails!” High praise from the guy who constantly re-records his own albums. 🤣
“Open Your Omen” was supposed to be released in 2018. But then life happened. The producer died in a motorcycle accident (RIP 🙏), and everyone went their separate ways to join other bands that probably no one cares about either. Then, tragically, Joey passed away in 2021. 😭 Which, of course, further delayed the album. Because, you know, dead people aren’t known for their time management skills. 🕰️
Joey, bless his soul, said they wrote the album like a “garage band demo.” Which probably explains why it’s been sitting on a hard drive for years. 💾 He also claimed it helped him “relearn how to walk and play the drums.” So, basically, this album is a medical miracle! ⚕️ I’m sure that justifies asking fans for money. 💸
His family says they want to release the album “the way he would have wanted.” Which probably means with a ton of merch and a “night to remember” featuring “iconic drummers” playing on Joey’s kit. I’m picturing Lars Ulrich trying to play double bass. 🤣 Now *that’s* worth the price of admission. 🎟️
Apparently, the vocalist Kalen Chase said the album got shelved because of “business issues” and “scheduling difficulties.” You know, the usual rock star problems. 🤷♂️ He also said he hopes the record comes out “one day.” So basically, even *he* doesn’t know if this thing will ever see the light of day. ☀️
But hey, at least he had “fond memories” of being the frontman of VIMIC. Like that time they played in South America in front of “thousands of people.” I’m sure those “thousands of people” are just DYING to hear this album. 💀
Oh, and get this: Kalen was also in Korn for a while, doing backing vocals and playing “an exotic array of instruments.” 🎻🪘 I’m picturing a dude in a bunny suit playing the kazoo. 🐰 That’s metal, right? 🤘
So, there you have it. The saga of VIMIC. A band that almost was, but probably shouldn’t have been. But hey, at least they’re asking for your money to make it happen. Because that’s what Joey would have wanted. Probably. 🙄 Donate now or forever hold your peace! 🕊️
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
