Okay, buckle up buttercups, because your favorite band of reformed (debatable) metalcore mayhem, AS I LAY DYING, is back! And by “band,” we mean Tim Lambesis and a rotating cast of characters desperate enough for a paycheck to share a stage with him. They’re gracing Europe with their presence in October/November 2025 for the “An Evening With As I Lay Dying” tour. Get ready to relive the glory days of 2005’s “Shadows Are Security,” because apparently, that’s the only album they can still agree on. Or maybe it’s the only one Tim remembers between his… *ahem*… extracurricular activities. 🤷♀️
“An Evening With As I Lay Dying” tour dates:
Oct. 30 – Moscow, Russia – Stadium Live Club (Because nothing says “redemption” like playing in Russia, amirite? 🇷🇺)
Oct. 31 – Yekaterinburg, Russia – Svoboda Concert Hall (Hope they bring enough vodka to drown out the existential dread.)
Nov. 01 – Sankt-Peterburg, Russia – Sound Club (Plot twist: the “sound” is just Tim’s inner monologue.)
Nov. 03 – Bratislava, Slovakia – Majestic Music Club (MMC) (Majestic, just like Tim’s comeback story. Or not.)
Nov. 04 – Budapest, Hungary – Barba Negra (Blackbeard would be proud of the pirate ship this band has become.)
Nov. 05 – Ljubljana, Slovenia – Cvetličarna (Someone send flowers to the ex-wife. Just saying. 💐)
Nov. 06 – Trezzo Sull’adda Mi, Italy – Live Club (Live, like Tim’s career after, you know… 🔪)
Nov. 07 – Innsbruck, Austria – Music Hall (Hall of Fame for questionable life choices, maybe.)
Nov. 08 – Würzburg, Germany – Posthalle (Hopefully, they’ll deliver some decent music instead of just more drama.)
Nov. 11 – Hohenems, Austria – Tennis Event Centre (Maybe Tim can practice his swing… on a piñata. 🪅)
Nov. 12 – Saarbrücken, Germany – The Garage (Where this whole thing should probably stay.)
Nov. 13 – Sneek, Netherlands – Bolwerk (Bolwerk? More like bullsh*t. 🐂)
Nov. 14 – Heerlen, Netherlands – Nieuwe Nor (New low? Possibly.)
Oh, and in case you missed the memo (or were living under a rock), AS I LAY DYING is basically Tim Lambesis featuring whoever he can convince to join his redemption tour. The band has gone through more lineup changes than Tim has had questionable decisions in the last decade. So, who’s backing him up this time? Your guess is as good as mine. Probably some fresh-faced musicians who haven’t Googled “Tim Lambesis” yet. 🤦♀️
Last year, the entire band staged a mass exodus. Guitarists Phil Sgrosso and Ken Susi, drummer Nick Pierce, and bassist/vocalist Ryan Neff all bounced faster than you can say “murder-for-hire.” Sgrosso dipped on October 30, 2024, just six days after Pierce and Susi peaced out, and twelve days after Neff said “adios.” Talk about a band breakup worthy of a reality TV show. 🍿
Remember that “Through Storms Ahead” European tour scheduled for November 2024? Yeah, that got canceled faster than Tim’s first marriage. Promoters TuskaLive and Grey Beard basically said, “Nah, we’re good. We’ll pass on the drama.” Can’t say I blame them. 🤷♀️
And because the universe loves a good dose of schadenfreude, let’s not forget the leaked home security footage of Tim allegedly abusing his dog. Because, you know, one felony wasn’t enough. 🐶
Then there were the videos of Tim having “violent outbursts” around his third wife. He then filed a restraining order against her, claiming she abused him for three years. This is getting messier than a toddler eating spaghetti. 🍝
But let’s be real, we all know Tim best for his starring role in the “Husband Tries to Hire Hitman” saga. A true classic. 🎬
In 2014, he got six years for paying a fake hitman (who was actually a cop) $1,000 to off his first wife. He was released in 2016 and immediately started plotting his comeback. Because apparently, attempted murder is just a minor setback in the world of metalcore. 🤘
Guitarist Ken Susi (one of the ex-members) said Tim used his prison stint to craft a “reality TV persona” as a “man of redemption.” Sounds about right. The guy’s a master manipulator. 🎭
In 2018, AS I LAY DYING rose from the ashes like a phoenix… a slightly singed, morally questionable phoenix. Tim even wrote a long apology on Facebook. A Facebook apology! That fixes everything, right? 👍
The comeback raised some eyebrows, especially since former guitarist Nick Hipa called Tim a “sociopathic narcissist in definite need of rehabilitation” back in 2014. But hey, who needs morals when you have metal? 🤘
So, there you have it. AS I LAY DYING is back, against all odds and good judgment. Go buy your tickets now, and prepare for an evening of metal, mayhem, and maybe a little bit of regret. 😈 Just kidding… mostly.
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
