Okay, so apparently some dude who used to push pixels for Star Wars Battlefront 2 wants to “get the band back together.” 🤣 Yeah, because that NEVER goes wrong. It’s always a seamless, drama-free experience. Let’s just ignore the fact that half the “band” probably hates each other after crunching for months on end to deliver a game that was basically a loot box simulator.💰💰💰
So, because Andor Season 2 was apparently so mind-blowingly amazing (citation needed), and because people are easily distracted by shiny Star Wars things, suddenly everyone is clamoring for Battlefront 3. The game saw a “bump” in players, did it? Like, from zero to maybe, like, three? And TikTok is “inundated” with requests? Oh no, not TikTok! Quick, someone alert the UN! 🚨🚨🚨 We have a serious crisis on our hands! The teens demand more Star Wars pew-pew!
This former developer, Mats Helge Holme (sounds like a character from a Scandinavian IKEA catalog), bravely ventured onto Reddit, the internet’s cesspool of informed opinions and reasoned debate, to declare that he and his “group of ex-colleagues” are totally down to relive the glory days. 🙄 You know, the glory days of getting death threats for making Darth Vader cost more than a used Honda Civic. Good times.
Holme also casually mentioned that even a measly content pack would take SIX MONTHS to create. Six months? To add some digital skins and maybe a new map where you can get spawn-camped by Boba Fett? Clearly, these guys are operating on a whole different level of efficiency. 🐌🐌🐌 And he has “no idea” if it’s feasible to reunite the team? Well, duh. They’re probably all in therapy, trying to forget the horrors of working on a game that was basically designed to milk children’s allowances.
Oh, right, the team was “disbanded” in 2020. Because EA realized that maybe, just maybe, they had pushed the microtransaction thing a little too far. 🤏🤏🤏 So they scattered the developers to the four winds, probably with a stern warning to never speak of Battlefront 2 again. And now, this Holme character wants to round them all up? Good luck with that, buddy. You’ll have better luck herding cats on roller skates.
There’s a YouTube video embedded in this article. I’m not watching it. I’m sure it’s just more explosions and laser noises. 💥💥💥 Been there, seen that, bought the overpriced DLC.
Apparently, there’s been a “perfect confluence of events” driving people back to Battlefront 2. 🙄 Yeah, it’s not like Disney is constantly shoving Star Wars down our throats or anything. And the “May the 4th” events? Groundbreaking! Never seen that before! And Fortnite including “Galactic Battle?” Whoa, hold the phone! Fortnite is doing a crossover? Next thing you know, they’ll be adding lightsabers and Darth Vader skins! Oh, wait…
Some Twitter account called “Battlefront Updates” (who knew that was a thing?) claims the game peaked at 160K+ concurrent players. 📈📈📈 That’s… actually kind of impressive, considering the game is older than most of the people playing it. But let’s be real, half of those players are probably just trying to unlock that one skin they never got because they refused to pay $20 for a virtual hat.
Ah yes, the infamous loot box debacle. Remember when you had to grind for 40 hours to unlock Darth Vader? 👴👴👴 Good times, EA. Good times. You almost single-handedly destroyed the Star Wars franchise. Almost.
EA “eventually reversed” their microtransaction plan. Bless their hearts. They only did it because they were getting crucified in the media and threatened with government regulation. It had nothing to do with their moral compass. 🧭🧭🧭
DICE is now working on Battlefield 2042. Which, let’s be honest, is probably going to be another buggy, microtransaction-laden mess. But hey, at least it’ll have better graphics! 🤩🤩🤩
Star Wars Battlefront 2 is available on PS4, Xbox One, and PC. So, if you’re feeling nostalgic for the days when video games tried to rob you blind, go ahead and give it a whirl. Just don’t come crying to me when you’re addicted to loot boxes and your credit card is maxed out. 💳💳💳 You’ve been warned.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
