OMG! 😱 After approximately eleventy billion years, DARK ANGEL, those geriatric thrash metal “pioneers” from California, are FINALLY releasing a new album called “Extinction Level Event”! 🙄 Drummer Gene Hoglan, who apparently hasn’t aged a day since 1985 (or maybe he just looks like every other bald metal dude), blabbed to “The David Ellefson Show” about this earth-shattering event. 🤣 The album, which is slated for release in 2025 via Reversed Records (never heard of ’em!), features the title track written by the late Jim Durkin, who, bless his soul, kicked the bucket in 2023. 💀 Apparently, this song was so good, it took a DECADE to record. 🤦♂️ It was “recorded and mixed” at some fancy studio in Canada 🇨🇦 and “executive produced” by Hoglan himself, because who else would want to be responsible for this? 🤔
So, why the geological timescale delay in releasing new music? 🤷♂️ Gene, bless his heart, says he’s been “promising” it for a decade. 🙄 A DECADE! That’s like, three entire metal subgenres ago! He’s “really excited” and “stoked” about the singles. 🙄🙄 We’ll all just have to “pay attention to the socials” 📱 to find out when this monumental event will occur. 🙄 Translation: stalk our Instagram for blurry photos and cryptic emojis. 🤪
Musical direction? Oh, they just tried to write a “kick-ass metal record.” 🤘 Groundbreaking! They tried to write a “kick-ass DARK ANGEL record.” 🤯 Even more groundbreaking! They weren’t worried about sounding like their old stuff. 🙄 They just wanted to imagine what DARK ANGEL would sound like if they hadn’t, you know, STOPPED MAKING MUSIC FOR 34 YEARS. 🤣 It’s “aggressive” and “ferocious.” 🦁 Rawr! And the artwork is “killer.” 🔪 If you disagree, you’re WRONG! 😡 Because Gene and the boys (and girl!) can do whatever they want. 😈 They’re a band! And they’re making a “ferocious” record. 🐅 Seriously, ferocious. Don’t forget it. 😡
RIP Jim Durkin. 🙏 He played on the first three albums before dipping out in 1989. 🏃♂️ He rejoined when they reformed in 2013 and then… well, you know. 💀
Before his demise, Durkin was replaced by Hoglan‘s WIFE! 💍 Nepotism in metal? Say it ain’t so! 😱 She’s now a “permanent member.” 🙄 Wonder how THAT happened. 🤔
Hoglan claims the album is a “huge tribute” to Jim Durkin. 😇 His “style is all over it.” 🙄 And Laura Christine‘s style is all over it too! 🎸 She’s the “new writing partner.” 🤝 Because Gene can’t write everything himself, apparently. 🙄 She writes the “coolest riffs.” 😎 So, there you go. 🤷♂️ They’re “really excited” and “hope people dig it.” 🤞 Because if they don’t, well, that’s just, like, their opinion, man. 🙄
Apparently, Jim showed Gene a song a decade ago that was SO DARK ANGEL-esque, it blew his mind! 🤯 He was all like, “If we ever do anything, THIS is the song!” 🤩 So Gene, being the master of hyperbole that he is, immediately told everyone they were recording a new album. 🗣️ And now, a decade later, it’s FINALLY happening! 🎉
Why this song as the first single? 🤔 Well, ALL the tracks could have been the first single. 🙄 But this one was “savagely blistering.” 🔥 And it’s SO DARK ANGEL. 🖤 Plus, it was Jim‘s last song. 🥹 So, sentimental reasons! 🥲 And the artwork matches! 🖼️ So there you go. 🤷♂️ (He says that a lot, doesn’t he?) 🙄
The artwork was designed by some dude named Cain Gillis. 🤷♂️ With “concepts” by Hoglan. 🙄 Probably stick figures and doodles of drum kits. 🥁
They were supposed to play new music at the Whisky A Go Go in January. 🎸 But then… WILDFIRES! 🔥 Mother Nature apparently hates thrash metal. 🤘
They officially entered the studio in July 2024. 🗓️ Before that, Hoglan was asked what it was like making new music after 30 years. 👴 He said he had an entire album written after “Time Does Not Heal”. ⏳ But the band broke up! 💔 So sad! 😭 When they got back together, Jim had ideas!💡 And Gene had ideas! 💡💡 He sent Jim a CD! 💿 A CD! In the 21st century! 🤣 Jim freaked out! 🤪 He was like, “This is our new album!” 🤩 But Gene was all, “Nah, let’s write NEW stuff!” ✍️ Because his writing chops are, like, SUPERIOR. 💪
Jim Durkin is a “huge influence” on Gene‘s writing style. 🖤 But there aren’t as many riffs from Jim as they hoped. 😔 But Jim‘s “entire presence” is all over it! 👻 So, Gene tried not to duplicate anything from the old albums. 🚫 He just tried to imagine what DARK ANGEL would sound like if they hadn’t, you know, DISAPPEARED FOR THREE DECADES. 🧙♂️
DARK ANGEL had two albums with Don Doty. 🎤 Then he left! 🏃♂️ Then Ron Rinehart came along! 🎤 They made two more albums! 💿💿 Then they quit! 💨 The end! 🎬 (Until now, of course. 🙄)
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
