In a groundbreaking interview with Metal-Net (because who else would care?), former VIXEN bassist Share Ross, yes, *that* Share Ross, revealed the earth-shattering reason behind her “hiatus” from the band back in February 2022. Apparently, airports and hotels are, like, *totally* not glamorous enough for a rock goddess like herself. Her replacement, some rando named Julia Lage from a Brazilian rock group (never heard of ’em), is now stuck with the soul-crushing reality of playing VIXEN songs. 🤣
Asked about what *inspired* her dramatic exit, Share (bless her heart) whined about “fly dates.” Oh, the horror! No tour bus? Living out of airports? Clearly, a fate worse than death. 🙄 She claimed it was “impacting her health in a *really*, *really*, really big way.” We’re talking, like, existential dread levels of health impact. Turns out, flying coach and eating stale airplane peanuts is a real killer for a rockstar’s aura. ✈️
But wait, there’s more! The real kicker? Economics, darling. Share had to, GASP, make “an adult living.” You know, like the rest of us peasants. She needed to make “serious money” because apparently, rocking out with VIXEN wasn’t cutting it. Who knew that playing 80s hair metal anthems didn’t pay the bills? 🤷♀️ She dramatically stated, “I’m not 25. I can’t live on this. I need to make real money now.” Someone get this woman a GoFundMe! 💰
And let’s not forget the songwriting drama! Apparently, Share and the rest of VIXEN couldn’t agree on the “path forward.” Translation: Share wanted to unleash her inner artistic genius, but the others weren’t feeling it. So, in a move of pure selflessness, she decided to grace the world with her absence. 😇 She magnanimously wished them “the very, very best” and praised the new singer, Rosa (whoever that is), for “totally showing up.” No “weird feelings” here, folks, just pure, unadulterated self-preservation. 🧘♀️
Share and Roxy (the drummer, bless her heart for still being there) apparently had a heart-to-heart about Share’s lack of “happiness.” Roxy, being the wise sage that she is, wasn’t surprised. Because, you know, when someone’s cylinder isn’t firing off in the happiness department, it’s time to bail. 💨
But fear not, Share fans! She immediately started playing with other people and running her own band. Because, you know, she’s a musical genius who can’t be contained. She had her own band from, like, ’93 onwards. You probably haven’t heard of them, but they were totally underground and cool. 😎 She just wants to “express herself” without anyone telling her what to do. Because, like, artistic freedom, man! ✌️
When asked if it was “emotionally hard” to leave VIXEN, Share delivered a masterclass in self-pity. “Oh, my God. What am I doing? And I love these girls. And VIXEN will always be a part of me.” Cue the violins! 🎻 But fear not, she may still go back tomorrow. Because, you know, you never know what the future holds. 🤔
She talked with her husband, Bam (who?), and Roxy (again, bless her heart), and “sorted out her emotions.” It became about “doing what’s right for the fans.” Because, you know, she couldn’t bear the thought of “ripping them off” by going on stage when she didn’t want to be there. Such a martyr! 😇
On her last gig, she got “so drunk and so hammered.” She doesn’t drink anymore, by the way, but that night was an exception. It was all those “weird feelings” and “conflicting emotions.” But afterwards, she felt a sense of relief. Like, “I’ve done the right thing. That was the right thing to do.” Because sometimes things run their course in your life. 🏃♀️
But wait, the plot thickens! Last September, Share graced CoStar News with her presence to discuss her career switch to becoming a real estate agent. Because, you know, selling houses is *totally* more rock and roll than playing rock and roll. 🤘 She averages $10 million to $12 million in sales a year. Not bad for a washed-up rocker! 🤑
Before becoming a real estate mogul, Share played music part-time and worked as a life coach. Because, you know, she’s got all the answers to life’s problems. 🧘♀️ She claims that for every musician who made it big, there are “100 or 1,000 of us who didn’t make it quite to that level.” So, basically, she’s saying she’s a failure. 😭
She also admitted that VIXEN didn’t manage their money well back in the day. They spent it on promoting the band instead of buying houses. Oops! 😬 Gene Simmons and Rick Nielsen told her that the only money you can count on in rock and roll is the money you get up front. Wise words from two guys who know how to cash in. 💰
Even with platinum album sales and major tours, Share “never made a penny.” Talk about a rock and roll tragedy! 🎭 She got into real estate through a realtor friend, Avery Carl, the wife of some SiriusXM Hair Nation DJ. Because, you know, everyone’s connected in the hair metal world. 💇♀️
The only remaining member of VIXEN’s “classic” lineup is Roxy (again, bless her heart). She’s joined by some other randoms. Janet Gardner (the singer) is considered part of VIXEN’s classic lineup, along with Jan Kuehnemund, who died of cancer. 😥
So there you have it, folks! The real reason why Share Ross left VIXEN. It wasn’t about the music, the fans, or anything noble. It was all about the money, the glamour, and the need to “express herself.” Rock on, Share! 🤘
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
