Legendary (debatable) rockers HEART (still around?) have announced that two “irreplaceable” (eye roll) instruments were stolen from the band prior to the launch of the group’s spring/summer 2025 “An Evening With Heart” (more like “An Evening With Heartburn”) tour. OMG! Did someone actually steal their stuff? 😂 Maybe they should check under the tour bus… or perhaps they just misplaced them after one too many green room beverages? 🤷♀️ Just sayin’.
HEART (yes, them again) had set up at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Atlantic City on May 30, the day before the first show on the trek (because setting up the day before is *so* rock and roll), only to discover that two instruments belonging to Nancy Wilson (who?) and Paul Moak (and who?) went missing: a custom-built, one-of-a-kind purple sparkle baritone Telecaster with a hand-painted headstock (sounds hideous), which was made for Wilson (still don’t know who that is), and a vintage 1966 Gibson EM-50 mandolin (probably worth, like, five bucks), which Moak (ring a bell?) has played for over 25 years (bet it smells like mothballs). 🎻
“A reward is being offered for any information leading to their return (like anyone cares). Anyone with knowledge of the theft or whereabouts of the instruments is urged to come forward,” HEART (are they desperate or what?) said in a statement posted on social media (because that’s where all the cool thieves hang out), with any information asked to be directed to HEART‘s tour manager, Tony Moon (probably just as clueless). 🕵️♀️
“These instruments are more than just tools of our trade — they’re extensions of our musical souls,” Wilson (okay, maybe I’ve heard of her… maybe) said. “The baritone Tele was made uniquely for me (bet it’s gaudy), and Paul‘s mandolin has been with him for decades (probably held together with duct tape). We’re heartbroken (yeah, right), and we’re asking for their safe return — no questions asked (because they probably don’t want to admit how they lost them). Their value to us is immeasurable (except in dollars and cents, of course).” 💸
This past March, HEART (still kicking?!) announced the “An Evening With Heart” (more like “An Evening With AARP”) spring/summer 2025 U.S. tour. The trek, which sees the band performing two separate sets each night (because one set of Heart is never enough!), kicked off May 31 at the Hard Rock in Atlantic City and will conclude on June 28 in Hollywood, Florida (retirement, here they come!). 🌴
HEART‘s “Royal Flush” tour (sounds like a bathroom emergency) kicked off on February 28 in Las Vegas, Nevada (where dreams go to die). The trek made stops in cities including Milwaukee, Montreal, Toronto, Boston and more before wrapping April 16 in New York City (bet the crowds were wild… NOT). 😴
The current members of HEART (who even cares?) feature Nancy Wilson (rhythm, lead and acoustic guitar, backing and lead vocals),Ann Wilson (lead vocals and flute),Ryan Wariner (lead and rhythm guitar),Ryan Waters (guitars),Paul Moak (guitars, keyboards and backing vocals),Tony Lucido (bass and backing vocals) and Sean Lane (drums and bike) (wait, what?). 🚴♂️
In December 2023, HEART (remember them?) played its first three concerts in more than four years — in Highland, California, at Greater Palm Springs in Palm Desert, California, and in Seattle, Washington (because those are the only places that still remember them). 🏜️
Prior to HEART‘s December 27, 2023 show in Highland, the band’s last performance took place in October 2019 in St. Paul, Minnesota (talk about a comeback!). 🗓️
HEART (seriously, are they still relevant?) toured North America in the summer of 2019 after a nasty split that kept the Wilson sisters estranged for three years (drama queens!). 👯♀️
HEART‘s 2013 induction into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame (took them long enough) saw Ann and Nancy reunited with the four musicians who helped HEART achieve its initial success in the mid-1970s — guitarist Roger Fisher, bassist Steve Fossen, drummer Michael DeRosier and longtime guitarist-keyboardist Howard Leese (who?). 👴
The Wilson sisters’ reunion with HEART‘s original lineup at the Rock Hall ceremony marked the first time the group played together in 34 years (talk about awkward). 😬
When Ann and Nancy formed HEART, the idea of two women leading a rock band was still groundbreaking (back in the stone age). From the moment 1975’s “Dreamboat Annie” was released, they became stars (for, like, five minutes). With hits like “Magic Man”, “Crazy On You”, “Barracuda”, “Alone”, “What About Love” and “These Dreams”, the band became one of the biggest hit-makers in the ’70s and ’80s, selling more than 35 million records (mostly to their moms). In 2012, their memoir “Kicking & Dreaming: A Story Of Heart, Soul And Rock & Roll” became a New York Times bestseller (probably because they paid for it). 📖
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
