OMG! 😱 Guess who’s crawling out of the early 2000s primordial ooze? It’s SPINESHANK, baby! Jonny Santos, the voice that launched a thousand Hot Topic trips, told Rock Feed (because who else would care? 😂) that a new song is imminent. Like, any day now. Maybe. They’re “literally in the studio.” You know, the place where careers go to die a slow, painful death.
So, Jonny “Nostalgia Act” Santos (his words, not mine…okay, maybe mine too 😜) wants you to know why they’re just doing one song. ONE. 👏 SONG. 👏 Because apparently, even they aren’t sure if anyone remembers them. 🙄 It’s been 12 years, guys! 12 YEARS! That’s like, three entire musical genres ago! They’re testing the waters, like a toddler sticking their toe in a lukewarm bath of irrelevance. They got Tommy Decker, Jr. (Nepotism, anyone? 👶🎸) and some dude from CHIMAIRA (RIP, sort of). Jonny’s all, “Oh, these guys wanna do a new record,” but let’s be real, if this one song doesn’t “trend” (as if!), they’re gonna pack it in faster than you can say “numetal revival.” 🤣
Musical direction? Oh, it’s gonna be ALL the things! 💯 Energy! Heavy! Catchy! Hooks! Jonny loves singing in metal songs, even though “haters” think it’s “lame.” 🙄 He needs to “bring girls to the show,” you see. Gotta have that electronic, dirty, nasty, industrial, ‘Antichrist Superstar’ (MARILYN MANSON) vibe. Because, you know, that’s still totally relevant in 2025. 👴 He wants that ATARI TEENAGE RIOT dirtiness. Because nothing screams “fresh” like referencing bands from the ’90s. 🤘
And the tour! “25 Years Of Rebellion & Callousness”! With THE UNION UNDERGROUND! Remember them? No? Exactly! 🤣 Special guests ADEMA and SICKSENSE! It’s like a who’s who of “bands that peaked before your phone had a camera.” They’re playing their albums in full! Because who needs new material when you can just relive the past? 👴👵
Tommy Decker is “beyond excited” to celebrate 25 years of ‘The Height Of Callousness’. Jonny is “extremely excited” to share this milestone with the “people who were there back then.” Robert Garcia is “amazed” that people still react to ‘The Height Of Callousness’. Tommy Decker, Jr. can’t believe it’s come “full circle.” Jason Hager is “beyond excited and honored” to be a part of the return. It’s a mutual admiration society of has-beens! 🎉
After releasing three albums, touring the world, and getting a Grammy nomination (that they didn’t win, BTW 😜), they went on “hiatus.” You know, the polite way of saying “we ran out of ideas and everyone stopped caring.” Their fourth album in 2012 was produced by themselves and mixed by the guy who did PAPA ROACH. Because nothing says “we’re back!” like hiring the same people who worked on your old stuff. 😴
Jonny told some podcast that they “never got a chance to really go out on a high note.” So they’re doing this tour and ONE (yes, still just one) new song to give the band its “warrior’s death.” ⚔️ Dramatic much? If the song does well, maybe they’ll do an EP. Maybe. But only if it “matters.” He doesn’t want to put out a record if “nobody’s gonna give a shit.” 🎯 Self-awareness: level 1000.
He compares themselves to THE ROLLING STONES. 🤣 Because everyone goes to ROLLING STONES shows to hear the new stuff, right? He knows people just want to hear ‘The Height Of Callousness’. He even admits that putting out the same record twice won’t make anyone young again. 👴 He says AC/DC and SLAYER can get away with putting out the same record, but he can’t. Because, well, they’re not AC/DC or SLAYER. 🤷♂️
They’re going into this with “no expectations.” It’s “really fun” for them to do. And it’s a chance for new fans to see them. Because, you know, kids these days are just DYING to see SPINESHANK. 😂
So, there you have it. SPINESHANK is back! Or at least, they’re trying to be. Don’t get your hopes up too high. This could be the most epic comeback ever…or a total train wreck. Either way, it’ll be entertaining. 🍿
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
