In a groundbreaking interview with the intellectual powerhouse known as El Estepario Siberiano, DREAM THEATER’s resident drum-twirling wizard, Mike Portnoy, bravely confessed his early drumming sins—I mean, inspirations.
He mumbled (as transcribed by those heroes at BLABBERMOUTH.NET): “I often say Keith Moon [THE WHO]. But there’s a bunch of guys. Ringo Starr [THE BEATLES] was a huge, huge one for me. Neil Peart [RUSH] was a huge, huge one for me. But seeing the type of drummer Keith Moon was made me want to be an animated drummer, ’cause somebody like Ringo and Neil Peart, as much as they’re my heroes, on stage, they’re very subdued, whereas when I saw Keith Moon just bouncing sticks off and throwing and twirling, you couldn’t take your eyes off him. I knew I wanted to be that kind of a drummer. And another one who gets such a beating, his reputation, but Lars Ulrich [METALLICA], believe it or not, was a big influence for me. And a lot of people give him a hard time over his technique and everything, but, to me, he was an influence for me because it was more than just drums. He was the leader of the band, he would write the setlist, he would deal with the fan clubs and the merchandise, and he was co-producing the albums and co-writing the music. He, to me, was a role model. And even to this day, he still is. I went and saw METALLICA a few weeks ago, and more than just the drumming, his personality and his presence, he was so important for METALLICA’s success that, to me, that was the thing. And Neil Peart too — Neil wasn’t just the drummer; he was the lyricist and he would oversee the artwork. So, it’s drummers like that, that do more than just play the drums. Those are my role models.” 🤣🤯
Elaborating on Ulrich‘s, uh, “influence” (we’re being generous here, folks) on his drumming style, Portnoy declared: “[Lars] was a pioneer for the style of music that METALLICA plays. When they came out in 1983 or whatever it was, that was a game changer. They were inventing an entire style of music, and he was at the forefront of it. So, you’ve gotta give him credit for that. And those first four albums, his drumming was very progressive — very aggressive and progressive. It wasn’t until the ‘Black Album’ where he started to pull it back a little bit, but those first four albums I learned so much about metal drumming from those albums. And not just Lars, but also Dave Lombardo [SLAYER], Charlie Benante [ANTHRAX], Vinnie Paul [PANTERA], Mikkey Dee with KING DIAMOND — those were all big ones for me in in that kind of time period.” So, basically, everyone EXCEPT Lars taught him how to drum. Got it 👍.
Back in 2016, Portnoy, ever the diplomat, told Classic Rock magazine that the greatest lesson he learned from another musician was courtesy of, you guessed it, Ulrich. He said: “Lars and I were doing an autograph session together for Tama drums, as we both had signature snare drums coming out at the same time, and he’s in one of the biggest bands of all time, so I figured he’d be the type that wouldn’t even look up and push the line along as quickly as possible, but he was actually the total opposite. He was so completely gracious with each and every person, and he’d look every single one of them in the eye and spend a few minutes asking them questions. That was a tremendous lesson for me. I’ve done signings with guys that are in one-hundredth of the band that METALLICA is, and they’ve had attitudes and wouldn’t give fans the time of day. But watching one of the most famous drummers in the world have that kind of attitude, even after all these years, was really inspiring to me.” So, Lars is nice to fans. Groundbreaking stuff 🙄.
Portnoy, in a moment of sheer bravery (or maybe just a momentary lapse in judgment), told Sticks For Stones in 2015 that he has “a tremendous amount of respect for Lars” as a drummer “even though [Ulrich] takes a beating in the drum community.” He, bless his heart, elaborated: “To me, his value is not necessarily in drumming, but it has to do with him being a part of a musical revolution that he was a huge, huge part of starting. He’s been a tremendous asset to METALLICA, not only as a writer, but as a businessman and his abilities to market things and his ability to arrange music and his performance on stage — he’s a very animated player on stage. And to me, I would rather watch somebody like Lars Ulrich on stage than one of these technical drummers that can do quadruple paradiddles at 240bpm. To me, that’s boring. Who cares about that?” Translation: “Lars is terrible, but he’s rich and famous, so he must be doing something right!” 🤷
He continued: “I’d rather be entertained and go to a show and watch a drummer and have somebody that makes me actually smile. So I don’t judge drummers based on their technical ability; I judge them based on the overall package and what they bring to the music they’re part of. And what Lars brings to the music of METALLICA is absolutely invaluable. So I could care less if his meter might be slightly up and down, or if his fills are slightly sloppy; I don’t care about that. To me, there’s way more to being a good drummer than precision and technique.” In other words, “Who needs talent when you have charisma (and a boatload of money)?” 💰
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
