Oh, Of Ash and Steel, you had me at “indie.” Because nothing screams “AAA quality” like a game made by a team of, like, five people working out of their mom’s basement. Seriously, though, when I saw this game, I thought, “Wow, someone’s aiming high!” And by “high,” I mean “delusional.” But hey, I’m all for watching indie studios crash and burn spectacularly if they think they can pull it off. 🍿
So, I got my grubby little hands on Of Ash and Steel, and let me tell you, it was an experience. A conflicting experience, sure, but an experience nonetheless. There’s a lot I wanted to like about it. I mean, the IDEA of liking it was there. But then I actually PLAYED it, and it became clear that this game needed, like, a year or two more in development. Fire & Frost, bless their hearts, were “inspired” by 2000s RPGs. And boy, does it show. In all the worst ways. Think clunky controls, PS2-era graphics, and a story that’s about as original as a Nickelback song. 🎸
Of Ash and Steel throws you into the muddy boots of Tristan, a cartographer. Yes, a cartographer. Because who needs a brooding warrior or a wise mage when you can have a guy who draws maps? Apparently, after some “events” in the capital (which are probably as exciting as watching paint dry), Tristan and his merry band of misfits head to Grayshaft Island, where he transforms from a map-maker to an “adventurer.” Groundbreaking. The story is simple, sure, but the article claims it’s “surprisingly fresh.” I think they need to check their expiration dates because that’s a moldy take. It’s not your typical zero-to-hero story; it’s a slightly different shade of zero-to-hero.
The gameplay is “familiar” to open-world RPG fans. So, basically, it’s ripping off Skyrim but with less charm and more bugs. But hey, they added some “interesting twists” to make it “rougher” and “more intense.” What this translates to is a survival system that’s about as fun as doing your taxes. You have to manage hunger, which is thrilling, and there’s a “wound system.” Because who doesn’t love micromanaging injuries in a video game? 🩹
Tristan, bless his cotton socks, isn’t a muscle-bound barbarian. He’s just a regular dude who gets hurt when he gets hit. Minor wounds give you stat reductions, which is just annoying. Major wounds can kill you. Riveting! The combat is supposedly weighty and fluid. In reality, it’s clunky and unresponsive. You have to time your blocks and parries, which sounds cool until you realize the timing is off by a mile. It’s not like those easy Bethesda RPGs where you can just spam the attack button. It’s also not like a Soulsborne game where you can cheese your way through everything. It’s just… bad. 💩
And now for the grand finale: the jank. Oh, the jank! It’s everywhere. Untranslated Russian text in the menus, incorrect character names, facial animations that would make a PS2 character blush, and hands that defy the laws of physics. It’s a glorious mess. But, somehow, the article claims to be “genuinely impressed” and “can’t wait to see a more robust version.” They must be smoking something strong because I’m pretty sure this game is beyond saving. It has a “fascinating world” that they hope to explore more. I hope they bring a map because I’m pretty sure they’re lost. 🗺️
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
