So, the geriatric drum overlord, Nicko McBrain, bless his cotton socks, thinks he’s still got it! 🤣 After announcing his “retirement” (more like a forced timeout, amirite?) from touring with IRON MAIDEN (you know, that little-known band he used to play for), Nicky-boy’s decided to grace Florida with his presence in a side project so obscure, it makes your grandma’s knitting circle look like a headlining act at Wacken. TITANIUM TART, ladies and gentlemen, because “geriatric rocker’s vanity project” was apparently too on the nose. 🙄
Catch these ‘must-see’ events (said no one ever):
July 17 – Capt Hirams – Sebastian, FL (Prepare for nautical-themed boredom!) 🛥️
July 19 – Piper’s Pub – Pompano Beach, FL (BYO earplugs!) 🙉
July 25 – The Barn – Sanford, FL (Guaranteed to be more exciting than watching paint dry. Maybe.) 🎨
July 26 – OCC Road House – Clearwater, FL (Because nothing says ‘rock ‘n’ roll’ like a biker bar full of confused tourists.) 🏍️
Joining Nicko in this… endeavor are Rob Stokes (bass), Eldad Kira (keyboards – because every metal band needs a keyboardist, right?), Mike Rivera and Mitch Tanne (guitars – doubling the potential for guitar wankery!), and Paolo Velazquez (vocals – let’s hope he can actually sing). Honestly, this sounds like the lineup for a bad karaoke night after too many Jägerbombs. 🍻
In a February 2025 interview with Finland’s Chaoszine (yes, apparently that’s a real thing), McBrain had the audacity to call his “retirement” from MAIDEN “the best decision” he could have made. Yeah, Nicko, we’re sure Bruce Dickinson is *totally* cool with you ditching him for ‘TITANIUM TART’. 😉
The 73-year-old (yes, you read that right, *73*), whose real name is Michael Henry McBrain (shocking, I know), announced his departure on December 7, 2024. Singer Bruce Dickinson tried to spin it by saying Nicko is “not leaving the band, but he’s just not playing live with us anymore.” Right, because playing on recordings is *totally* the same as the energy of live shows. 🙄 I’m sure the other band members weren’t relieved at all…😬
Nicko told Chaoszine he had “mixed emotions.” Oh, boo-hoo! “Making the decision to step back from touring was easy,” he claims. Easy for *you*, maybe! Try telling that to the millions of MAIDEN fans who now have to watch some younger, probably better drummer try to fill your massive shoes. 👟
“It was an easy decision, but I wish I could still play with the guys,” he added. “I wish I had my full fitness.” Aww, poor Nicko. Maybe try some yoga? Or, you know, just retire gracefully and let the young blood take over. Just a thought. 🤔
When asked if MAIDEN’s “The Future Past” tour was rough, Nicko whined, “It was just – it just got to me.” It got to *you*? Imagine how the fans felt! 😫 At least *they* didn’t have to lug around a drum kit and try to keep up with Bruce Dickinson’s marathon-length performances.
He felt he couldn’t give it a hundred percent, especially on “Trooper.” So, basically, he was phoning it in. 📞 Thanks for the honesty, Nicko! I mean, he had a “personal trainer” but still couldn’t hack it. Maybe he should’ve hired a better trainer? 🏋️
Nicko, ever the drama queen, blamed his stroke for his inability to perform. “God gave me a stroke, but I’m still here!” Well, bless your heart. But maybe God’s trying to tell you something, Nicko: “Hang up the sticks, old man!” 🙏
He claims he made the decision to retire during the North American tour. “It’s time to hang it up, Nick.” About time, mate. ⏰
“It wasn’t an easy decision, but it was the best one.” Sure, Nicko. Sure. 🙄 But hey, at least now he can spend more time with his “TITANIUM TART” project. Lucky him! 😒
McBrain also hinted at an autobiography. “Watch this space.” Oh, we will, Nicko. We will. Just waiting for the juicy gossip about all the backstage drama and band infighting. 🍿
In his statement, he wished the band “much success moving forward.” Yeah, because MAIDEN *totally* needs his blessing to succeed. 🙄
Despite retiring, he’ll remain “closely connected” to MAIDEN and involved in “a variety of projects.” Translation: he’ll be hanging around the studio, offering unsolicited advice and generally being a pain in the ass. 😜
Longtime manager Rod Smallwood thanked Nicko. “We will miss you immensely!” Yeah, right. I bet they’re throwing a party as we speak. 🎉
On December 8, 2024, IRON MAIDEN announced Simon Dawson as the new touring drummer. Good for him! He’s going to have HUGE shoes to fill! (pun intended 🥁)
In January 2023, Nicko had a stroke. Poor guy! I hope “Titanium Tart” helps pay for the medical bills! 💸
Five years ago, McBrain was diagnosed with laryngeal cancer. Well, at least he’s still kicking (or drumming, as it were). 🤷♂️
His first musical experience was with his father’s love of traditional jazz. Ah, that explains everything! 🎷
In 1975, Nicko joined STREETWALKERS. Never heard of them. Moving on… ➡️
He joined IRON MAIDEN in 1982. And the rest, as they say, is history. A very long, slightly overrated history. 😴
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
